Close Encounters
by Neon25
Summary: Adam's personal thoughts on all his encounters with Fiona. And Fiona's thoughts on the same events.
1. Umbrella pt1 Adam

Chapter 1: Umbrella pt. 1

Running a school food drive definitely wasn't at the top of my 'Fun Things to Do' list; running it with Drew just made it worse. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother, but he can really be an idiot.

Drew and I were pushing a cart filled with flattened cardboard boxes into the gym. Today was day one of project: Our Mom Made Us Run This Stupid Food Drive.

"How long is mom making us run the food drive?" Drew asked as we made our way into the gym.

"Until we rehabilitate the school's image within the community," I recited word for word from my mother's previous lecture. Obviously Drew wasn't listening; but what else was new?

"So like, twelve years," Drew commented. "Well, we better find more volunteers." Drew paused as we began to unload boxes from the cart. "Hey, girls' gym class is about to start, you could canvas the locker rooms."

I gave a Drew a playful look. I didn't really mind transgendered jokes from Drew or Eli; it was transgendered _slams_ from everyone else that bugged me, especially when they came from Fitz, Owen, Bianca, and even my mom.

The gym was silent until we heard the doors open. The first thing I saw was Drew's expression and I held back laughter. He looked like he had just discovered the eighth wonder of the world (but I knew Drew was way too dumb to do that). I wish I had gotten a picture because his face was priceless.

I turned my attention to whatever it was Drew was staring at wide-eyed. That's when I first saw her; Fiona Coyne. She was beautiful. Her blue polo told me she was a senior.

"Have you seen Mrs. Holland?" she asked seemingly annoyed.

"Nope, sorry," I replied.

"But since you're here you should sign up to work for the food drive," Drew threw into the conversation. His jaw was practically on the floor at this point which made me smile.

"I don't drive," Fiona said as if it were obvious. I couldn't help but smirk at what she had said.

"You do know you need forty hours of community service in order to graduate?" Drew was really working hard to get her. I didn't even know he knew about that rule.

"Yeah, why not get them here, now? You don't even have to leave campus," I decided to give Drew a hand.

"Or wear a hair net, or change some old dude's diaper," Drew made it sound worse than it really is (if that was possible).

"Fine, I can be charitable." And with that, Fiona was gone. Now I admit she was hot and her skirt was short, but I couldn't help but think about the beautiful cobalt blue eyes that had just walked away.

I turned to face Drew. He raised his eyebrows and looked beyond happy that Fiona would be spending some time with him. I allowed myself to light-heartedly laugh at my brother. But for some reason, I was excited too.

Okay, that was funny. Drew just struck out majorly with Fiona. I have to say, she handled herself pretty well because Drew was on full flirt mode.

I shoved open the Degrassi doors only to see her sitting on the steps. I looked around and saw no cars or people around.

"Your ride didn't show?" I asked her as I sat down next to her.

"Prompt taxi might want to change their name," she replied with a slight smile.

"I thought you'd have a princess carriage waiting; you know, with five horses and a charming prince to sweep you off your feet," I gave her a sarcastic smile. Up close, she was beyond beautiful; she was angelic.

"Prince? Yeah, I tried that. New York City royalty anyway; charming on the outside, vile on the inside," her tone shifted from light-hearted to serious. What she meant by that, I have no idea.

"Right, princes are so overrated." It was lame, but it was the first thing that came to my mind. She didn't seem to be too fond of princes so I thought maybe I could lighten the mood just a little.

"So many guys are just pretending to be something they're not," Fiona's voice was still serious. I felt a lump in my throat. Was she talking directly to me?

"Right…." I choked out, still unsure if the comment was directed towards me in particular. Did she know about my…situation?

"You seem honest. I mean, I can talk to you like a normal person," she looked at me with those beautiful eyes that had been in my mind all day.

"Really? I try," I said unsure about how to respond. "Thanks."

Our eyes met and we held our gaze. This moment was one I would always remember. I felt comfortable. My heart was beating fast. I could've looked into her eyes forever. But of course, me being me, her taxi pulled up just then.

"But historically, I have terrible instincts when it comes to guys," Fiona said getting up and walking over to the taxi. She turned back to me just before getting into the car and scanned my body. Was she…was she checking me out? No, Fiona Coyne would never do that.

I watched her car pull away and I just stood there trying to make sense of what just happened. Did we just have a moment? I don't know, but it felt good to talk with her. I smile before I left to walk home.

What had I done? I know Drew had helped me with all my problems, but I can't believe that I told him I'd help him. I know, he needed my help, crazy right? Whatever, I owed him, big time and this was just something simple. All I had to do was put in a good word with Fiona for him.

Okay, so she had denied him twice, maybe getting her to go on a date with him would be more difficult than I thought.

The bell had just rung and school was over. After grabbing my things I saw Fiona making her way towards the steps and followed her. She had just pulled open the taxi door when I called out to her.

"Princess Fiona! Wait," I ran down the steps hoping I wouldn't fall and make a huge fool of myself.

"There's already a princess Fiona and I'm not green. Quick," Fiona said as I walked in front of her and rested my hand on the taxi roof. Shrek reference, witty.

"It's Drew. My brother's a good guy; you just make him nervous," I can't believe I was actually doing this.

"Why would he want to be around someone who makes him nervous?" Fiona asked with confusion on her face and in her eyes, her beautiful eyes.

"Cuz he thinks you're great; we both do," I immediately said. Oh no! Back pedal, back pedal! "That's why I'm helping him," I said to her more to convince myself than her.

"Well he has good taste, and if he's _your_ brother than maybe he's not so bad," a smile found its way onto her face. She put a lot on emphasis on 'your' and I didn't really know what to think about that. Was this flirting?

"Give him another chance? He deserves it," I promised I'd help Drew and I keep my promises.

Fiona sighed, though I'm not really sure for what. She then proceeded to get into the taxi. The door shut and she looked up at me. I was now standing outside of her open window. "I'm not looking for anything serious or anything physical."

"Really? Nothing…sexual?" Just for clarification...for Drew. Yeah, let's go with that.

"Not anytime soon, so you can let your brother know that," Fiona let out a giggle. Oh, her laugh was so adorable. I needed to stop these thoughts.

"Cool, thanks," was the only words that came out of my mouth.

"Only cuz you asked," Fiona replied as she played with her hair. Once again she looked me up and down before turning to the driver and instruction him on where to drive.

I took a deep breath as I watched her taxi pull away; once again leaving me standing in front of Degrassi wondering what just happened. Did she like me? Because it seemed a lot like it. I shook the thoughts out of my head as I began to walk home.

Mission accomplished.


	2. Umbrella pt1 Fiona

I must look like a fool. Here I am, running all around Degrassi looking for Mrs. Holland. Of course, I've already looked in her room and the office and she's nowhere to be found. At this point, finding her isn't even worth it.

Well, there's only one place I haven't looked yet so I might as well try it. I made my way to the gym doors and pushed them open.

I stood there looking around. No Mrs. Holland, just two boys. The junior saw me first and had his jaw practically on the floor.

"Have you seen Mrs. Holland?" I asked the boys annoyed. I had been looking for her for a good twenty minutes already. That's the bad thing about Mrs. Holland; when you need her, you can't find her.

"Nope, sorry," the sophomore answered. He didn't even hesitate. I mean, not that I'm all that comfortable with people drooling over me, but this boy didn't even bat an eyelash.

"But since you're here you should sign up to work for the food drive," the junior quickly said.

I just looked at him. He obviously wanted me to hang around, but I didn't even know the kid. "I don't drive," I responded. I was a rich socialite, I didn't do food drives.

"You do know you need forty hours of community service in order to graduate right?" He asked. I didn't like his tone at all. He seemed to be talking to me like I was stupid.

"Yeah, why not get them here, now? You don't even have to leave campus," the younger boy added. His voice was a lot gentler and softer. It wasn't so much that he wanted me to stay and flirt with me, but more that he was just thinking the whole thing through and was just trying to help me out.

"Or wear a hair net, or change some old dude's diaper," the other boy made charity sound disgusting.

"Ew, I can't wear a hair net," just the thought alone made me shiver, "or…what was the other thing?" I asked slightly confused.

"Nursing home duty; it's legendary," he answered. The sophomore just had this quiet smirk on his face. It was kind of cute and not flirtatious at all.

"Fine, I can be charitable," and with that I walked away. I had gone into the gym looking for a teacher and left agreeing to work with these two boys on a charity event. Ugh, what had I gotten myself into?

I checked my watch once more. It was getting later and the taxi still hadn't shown up yet. I was getting impatient.

"Your ride didn't show?" a voice came from behind me. I turned slightly to see Adam walking out of the school. The sophomore and his brother had roped me into working a food drive with them.

"Prompt taxi might want to change their name," I said as he sat down next to me on the steps. I found myself smiling at him as he opened his mouth to speak.

"I thought you'd have a princess carriage waiting; you know, with five horses and a charming prince to sweep you off your feet," Adam said sarcastically.

"Prince? Yeah, I tried that. New York City royalty anyway; charming on the outside, vile on the inside," I looked down at the ground. I didn't mean to say that, it just came out. He probably thought I was crazy by now.

"Princes are so overrated," he smirked. I felt so comfortable with him.

"So many guys are just pretending to be something they're not." Did I just say that? It slipped.

"Right…" Adam responded obviously uncomfortable.

I faced him. "You seem honest; I mean, I can talk to you like a normal person," I said. It was true; Adam seemed like a good guy, not just another jerk. It was nice having him around because when I was with him, I felt like I could tell him anything.

"Really?" he questioned. We locked eyes. "Thanks," he said just above a whisper.

We were having a moment; an intense moment. I swear if the taxi hadn't pulled up right then, I would've kissed him. He just seemed so real and genuine.

"But historically, I have terrible instincts when it comes to guys," I stood up and walked to the taxi. Adam stood up with me and watched me go. Just before I got into the cab, I turned back to look at him. Adam was just standing at the steps as I closed the cab door and drove away.

That boy was a good listener. Not to mention he was cute and funny and just all around amazing.

Finally, the end of the day had come. It had been a long day. I mean, first there was getting up in the morning and going to school in these god-awful uniforms, but then there was Drew. He was persistent, but there was no way anything would happen.

I made my way down the front steps and to the cab which I had called for early so that it would be here on time. (For as much as I just love sitting on the disgusting steps of Degrassi every day after school waiting for the taxi, I just didn't feel like it today.) I reached for the door when I heard someone call my name.

"Princess Fiona! Wait," Adam came running down the steps. He really was adorable. Plus, he called me princess, which I had to admit I liked.

However, I was tired and didn't really want to stand here and talk. "There's already a Princess Fiona and I'm not green. Quick," I said as he put his hand on the roof of the taxi and faced me.

"It's Drew," he started. "My brother's a good guy, you just make him nervous."

"Why would he want to be around someone who makes him nervous?" I asked. Was he helping Drew? Why Drew? Why couldn't Adam like me? Drew wasn't a bad kid, it was just that Adam seemed more….I don't know, real.

"Cuz he thinks you're great; we both do," Adam answered quickly. Ah ha! Maybe he does like me. I felt a smile tug at my lips. "That's why I'm helping him." It seemed more like and explanation than a reason.

"Well he has good taste. And if he's _your_ brother then maybe he's not so bad," I emphasized 'you.' I know he's a sophomore and that he's an outcast, but I liked Adam. Whenever I was with him, things just felt right.

"Give him another chance?"

I sighed. He obviously didn't get the hint. I sat in the taxi and pulled the door closed. I looked back up at Adam who still hadn't moved. "I'm not looking for anything serious or anything physical."

"Really?Nothing… sexual?" He asked. I laughed a little at his discomfort. Adam was so cute, if only it were him asking me out for him instead of for his brother.

"Not anytime soon; so, you can let your brother know that," I tried to control my internal laughter. I was still smiling at him.

"Cool, thanks," Adam kept his eyes locked with mine. He had amazing blue eyes that held so much emotion.

I grabbed a strand of my hair and began to curl my fingers in it in a flirtatious way. "Only cuz you asked," I looked him up and down. He seemed a bit stunned by what I had said, but pulled his hand off the car.

We pulled away and once again, I left Adam standing at the steps of Degrassi. If only he could take a hint.


	3. Umbrella pt2 Adam

It had been a bad day. Just in general, a bad day. Not as bad as the day Bianca outed me to the school or the day I went back to being Gracie, but a bad day.

First was the whole Eli drama. Clare and I found out he had a hoarding problem today at lunch. But there was always Eli drama. What made today a bad day was the reason I was at Eli's with Clare during lunch and not at school.

I had gotten Fiona to agree to give Drew another chance and he was ecstatic about it. And, don't get me wrong, I love my brother, so seeing him happy made me happy, but I couldn't shake this feeling of me being more right for her. Because I couldn't shake it, I just couldn't handle watching her flirt with Drew during lunch.

But, it was the end of the day. Finally, I could go home and just relax a little. I was walking down the steps when I hear her.

"Hey, Prince Adam," she calls running down the steps. I close my eyes and try to ignore her. But I knew that wouldn't work because I liked her too much to pretend she wasn't there. I stopped and turned around to face her as she caught up with me. "Where were you this afternoon?"

We continued walking. "Had stuff to do," I replied coldly. I knew it was harsh but talking to her when all I could do was think about her wasn't exactly my ideal situation.

"Ok," she said not buying it. But, thankfully, she didn't press any further. "Well, someone donated tin caviar and don't tell anyone, but Drew stole it from me and we had a little snack."

I quickly put on a plastic smile; not meant to convince. "Awesome," I said with sarcastic enthusiasm. I was so not thrilled that Drew and Fiona were having a good time. Why couldn't he just screw this up like he did with every other girl? "You guys are really hitting if off," I sounded angry. And I was. I shook my head and turned away. "I gotta go," I started to walk away.

I felt a hand her hand grab my jacket and pull me back. "Uh, are you mad at me?" she asked confused.

Of course I was mad! It was a stupid question. "I didn't tell you to flirt with him," I raised my voice. I had just lost all self control in that split second. I don't think I was mad at her; I was mad at myself. Mad that I didn't take my chance and ask her out, mad that Drew always got the girl, and mad that I had these feelings for the girl Drew wanted and who was out of my reach.

"Well then why were you playing matchmaker?" Fiona looked at me. What was I supposed to say? _Oh because Drew supported me when Bianca told the whole school I'm really a girl and I owe him_? Yeah right, like I would ever say that. I still wanted her to like me and not think of me as a freak.

"Forget it. I hope you two live happily ever after. Just don't complain to me when he tries to jump you," I angrily spat at her. It wasn't that Drew was a bad guy; it was just that I knew what was coming. Eventually he would make his move and push her too far.

She gave me a puzzled look before I spun around and began to walk away once again. But, just like before, her hand pulled on my jacket as she pulled me back and stood in front of me.

"Hey, you know what? I'm tired of being in the middle of this little sibling rivalry, so after the food drive, I'm done. With both of you," her voice rang with anger. Her beautiful eyes were coated with anger and hurt.

She walked away from me and that's when I realized what I had done. Not only did I just ruin my chances with her, but also Drew's.

"Fiona," I called softly. She either didn't hear me or chose to ignore me because she just kept walking.

Yes, this day had just topped the list of 'Adam's Worst Days At Degrassi.'


	4. Umbrella pt2 Fiona

Well, I am a woman of my word. Yesterday Adam asked me to give Drew another chance. I agreed but only because he was asking. Honestly, I wasn't into Drew at all. Sure, he was good looking, but other than that, there was no substance to him.

But I promised Adam and so earlier at lunch I walked up to drew and began to flirt with him. I had been so busy flirting with Drew that we hadn't done much for the food drive; however, I was so busy to notice that Adam wasn't there.

Actually, I hadn't seen him since then. That is, until about ten seconds ago when I watched him walk out of the school. I followed him out.

"Hey, Prince Adam," I called. He took a second before stopping and turning around to face me. I ran down the steps watching my feet to catch up with him. "Where were you this afternoon?"

"Had stuff to do," Adam replied coldly as he began walking again. Okay, what was that for?

"Okay," I just brushed it off. There was really no point in asking him; if he wanted me to know then he would tell me. "Well someone donated tin caviar, and don't tell anyone, but Drew stole it from me and we had a little snack."

Okay, now I know that telling the guy I like about the awesome time I had with his brother was kind of weird, but he was the one who set us up so I feel like he'd want to know. I mean, he seemed real insistent on me giving Drew another shot.

"Awesome," he said sarcastically. He faced me with a totally plastic smile. "You guys are really hitting it off," his voice got angry. Actually, I didn't know if it was anger or something else. Jealousy? Yeah, I wish. "I gotta go." Then he just started to walk away.

I pulled him back towards me. There was no way that we were done talking. "Uh, are you mad at me?" I couldn't make any sense of the way he was acting. Of course I didn't want him to be mad at me; I had an obvious crush on him (at least I thought it was obvious).

He took a moment. "I didn't tell you to flirt with him!" his voice rose.

"Then why were you playing matchmaker?" Honestly, he wasn't making sense. He wanted me to give Drew a chance! That obviously meant to flirt! God, this boy really was something.

"Forget it," he said. His voice seethed with anger. "I hope you two live happily ever after. Just don't complain to me when he tries to jump you." And again he walked away from me.

What was this kid's problem? He practically begs me to flirt with his brother and then as soon as I do, he flips. He was not getting away easily. I pulled on his jacket and walked in front of him.

"You know what? I'm tired of being in the middle of this little sibling rivalry, so after the food drive I'm done; with both of you." It was now my voice ringing with rage. I didn't care how much I liked this boy, he and his brother were driving me crazy and I couldn't take it.

I pulled my bag up on the shoulder and turned away from him. I didn't let him walk away from me, but I sure as hell was walking away from him.

"Fiona," Adam said more calmly and with remorse in his voice.

But I didn't even look back. These Torres children will be the end of me, I swear.


	5. Halo pt1 Adam

I was just watching her. I know, it's a little creepy to just stare at someone, but I couldn't pull my eyes away. She was standing at the art room door collecting wishing stars or whatever they were.

Ever since Drew had told me that Fiona had "made it pretty obvious" that she likes me, I've had this small amount of hope that we would turn into something. Yeah, that's a joke. A rich, beautiful socialite dating an FTM transgender, like that would ever happen. Still, I had some hope.

I was still watching her as she made her way over to our table. I was beyond excited to be in the same art class as her. I tried my best to look like I was focused on my sketch as she carried her plate filled with stars to our table and sat down, plopping he full plate onto the table.

"Sigh," she said out loud. She was so cute when she was trying to be subtle.

"Not feeling it?" I asked her as she pushed away the plate. Honestly, I didn't really care about this stupid 'wishing star' stuff or whatever, but if it kept the conversation between us going…

She rolled her head in that cute way she does. "I was actually looking forward to this dance, but what's the point if I can't purchase a new dress?" I smiled and took this as a chance to move closer to her.

I swung my body around the table trying not to drool over the image of Fiona in one of those hot dresses the celebrities wear. "Life is difficult," I said sarcastically as I took the seat right next to her.

"Is there anything left to live for?" she went along with my sarcasm. I really liked that about her; the fact that she had some sense of humor. Because a lot of girls didn't have one. Then she smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back. "If I were in New York right now, I'd be shopping for the East Village Artists' Ball; it's _the_ night of the year. Crazy invites, steady couture, and the best part, champagne fountains everywhere."

Now, I'm not one for fancy parties, but even I have to admit that the East Village Artists' Ball sounded pretty awesome. "Sounds awesome," was all that came out. Really Adam? Nothing better to say? Oh, I had a lot I wanted to say; I wanted to tell her how much I liked her and ask her out. But I was smart; I knew that that wasn't the way to go about asking out someone like Fiona Coyne.

"You have no idea," Fiona looked me in the eye for a split second before the teacher started talking.

"Okay, your sketch. Remember, it can be simple, but try to make it meaningful; you want to…you want to feel something," the teacher said in the front of the classroom. But the whole time I kept my eyes on Fiona. She tilted her head this way and that and I couldn't take my eyes off her. Like I said, I know I'm weird like that.

Fiona finally turned to see me still sitting next to her. She said something I didn't really understand. Then when it was obvious I didn't get it, she looked over at my sketch pad at the end of the table and said, "Sketch."

Oh, right! She smiled at me as I moved back to my original seat glancing up at her a few times. I looked back at her before I started sketching. I had absolutely no idea what we were supposed to be doing because I was too enveloped in Fiona to listen.

Oh well, I'll just come up with something. One bad grade is so worth the time talking with her.


	6. Halo pt1 Fiona

Art class, one of my favs. Okay, for a couple reasons. One, I get to draw dresses and cutes outfits. Two, I get to see the cutest boy in the world who I still had a major crush on, Adam Torres.

Today I stood at the door collecting stars for whatever it was Holly J was doing for the school this week. A couple girls just put more stars on my already filled plate and I thanked them.

I walked over to my seat at the table where Adam already was. After our kind of fight, Drew had supposedly talked to Adam and we were okay now.

"Sigh," I said out loud trying to get his attention. I found it amazing that I, Fiona Coyne, had to actually try to get a boy to notice me.

"Not feeling it," Adam looked up from his sketch pad.

"I was actually looking forward to this dance, but what's the point if I can't purchase a new dress," I said pushing the stars away from me.

Adam began to swing his body around the table and moved closer to me. "Life is difficult," he said sarcastically. I looked over at him and silently appreciated the way he could make me smile all the time.

"Is there anything left to live for?" I joined in with his sarcasm. Normally, I'm not a sarcastic person; I tend to be very straightforward, but he brought out my fun-loving side. He sat down right next to me and I tried to control my breathing and act as calm as possible, but Adam being so close to me really excited me. "If I were in New York right now, I'd be shopping for the East Village Artists' Ball; it's _the_ night of the year. Crazy invites, steady couture, and the best part, champagne fountains everywhere," I thought back to New York.

Toronto wasn't home for me, New York was. I definitely missed it there, but I knew what (or rather who) was sitting there seething with hatred of me. Of course, Toronto was tolerable. And it helped that I had someone like Adam here who was such a good listener and really knew how to act towards me.

"Sounds awesome," he said. Well, no duh! I did stress it being _THE_ night of the year right?

"You have no idea," I said as our teacher began talking.

"Okay, your sketch. Remember, it can be simple, but try to make it meaningful; you want to…you want to feel something," the teacher said in the front of the classroom. The whole time I could feel Adam's eyes on me. It made me slightly nervous, but I secretly enjoyed having his full attention.

Once I actually turned to look at him, I saw that he was still looking at me. After telling him to sketch, Adam nervously made his way back to his original seat.

When he was nervous, he was so adorable. I knew I really shouldn't care about some grade ten nobody because that's what the Fiona Coyne from last year (or any years before) would've done, but I had changed after my trip to the Hamptons and I genuinely liked Adam.

The way he looked at me, the way he talked to me, the way he listened to me, and just the simple way he treated me like a princess showed how different he was from guys like his brother or … Bobby. I didn't need to worry about Bobby, not with Adam here.


	7. Halo pt2 Adam

I must be crazy. I mean, what type of tenth grade transgendered kid would even think he has a chance with the hottest socialite senior at his school? I guess I am. Here I am, planning a New York styled anti-crackdown party at an abandoned church in the middle of God knows where, all to try to make Fiona a little less homesick.

Well, I knew the easiest part would be to flip the site into a party-worthy place; but right now, I had to deal with the hardest part. I needed to invite Fiona.

I had been handing out these note cards to random people all day inviting them to my little bash. Of course, there was nothing to even hint that I was behind the whole thing. Let's face it, throwing a big party wasn't really my forte, but with the help of Eli and Clare I could bring Fiona her own little piece of New York.

Right now, in my hand, I held the absolute most important invitation, Fiona's. I sauntered into the art room slapping other invites on random tables for the students to see. As I made my way over to my seat, the one right by Fiona, I got nervous.

What would she say? What if Drew was wrong and she didn't really like me like that? No. I had to push all these bad thoughts out of my head. If I was going to ask Fiona to come to my party (for her) then I didn't need any more nerves than I already had.

I passed by her and gently placed the invite beside her on the desk. I didn't throw it down, but I made sure it made some noise to get her attention.

She grabbed it as I took my seat at the end of the table. Fiona looked at it and then turned it over a few times. I was beyond anxious at this point.

"Excitement," she finally spoke. She faced me and I saw genuine excitement, not sarcastic.

"So, you think you'll go?" I asked the million dollar question. I tried to sound calm and collected but my insides were shaking like crazy. Step one: make sure she even wants to go. Then later I'd tell her I threw it for her.

"Any excuse to showcase couture," Fiona smiled at me. "So where do I RSVP?" she looked slightly confused. She was adorable when she was confused.

I gulped and took a deep breath before I said the words that I might later regret, "With me."

"You're behind this?" she sounded a bit dismayed. I relaxed at her laid back reaction. At least she hasn't denied me yet.

"Inspired by your New York party," I said. What the hell! She hasn't freaked out yet so might as well tell her the whole truth.

There was a look of sudden realization that came across her face. It was like she just found out that I liked her. And I thought that was pretty obvious a while ago. Then she got up and moved closer to my end of table. My heart stopped as she sat so close to me.

"You didn't…do this…for me…did you?" Fiona asked with a smile plastered on her face.

Whoops! Caught! "Yeah, kinda," I responded looking back at her. She seemed…worried, scared? No. But there was something bothering her. "And for the party deprived citizens of Degrassi of course," I added sarcastically to lighten the mood.

"I don't know what to say," Fiona looked down at the invitation. Oh no, here comes my flirty side.

"Well speechless is a good thing, right?" Why? Why God did you have to curse me with the body of a girl, the mind of a guy, and the flirtiest personality ever? Someone up there really must have it out for me, I swear. Okay, brace yourself, Adam, here comes the denial. Just take it like a man and be –

"See you there," and with that Fiona got up and moved.

Oh my God! Did she just say yes? No way, no way. Yes! Ha-ha, she said YES!

"Fiona, it's me again, Adam. I'm outside your building. I tried to ring, but there was no answer. Maybe you're out. I hope you're okay. See ya," I pulled my cell phone away from my ear. Throughout my whole voice mail message I hadn't taken my eye off her building once. I don't know, maybe I was hoping to see her peering out a window.

Who am I kidding? She was fine. Probably hanging around somewhere with some big shot socialites and having the time of her life. And here I was, looking like a fool and a stalker standing outside her building for the past couple minutes.

Whatever. If she was home she was ignoring my calls and sending me the message clearly.

I had thrown an awesome party, which I wasn't even at right now, where everyone was dancing and having fun. Everyone except for me. I was spending my party time wondering why Fiona didn't just flat out reject me. It would've been easier on the both of us if she had.

I stood there for another minute thinking my phone would ring and she would be calling. But I knew better. Rich, beautiful, senior girls don't go for FTM transgendered sophomore boys.

I walked away saddened and disappointed. Although I should be angry with her, I found myself worrying about her. I really hoped she was alright.


	8. Halo pt2 Fiona

Today was just another boring day. Nothing exciting was happening here at Degrassi because of all these ridiculous new rules. I mean, uniforms, really? I wouldn't mind the uniforms if they were somewhat fashionable, but these were just downright ugly.

I was sitting in my art room just drawing some sketches of dresses that I wish I was wearing right now instead of the horrid blue polo and khaki skirt mix. Suddenly, there was a slapping sound around me and I instinctively scanned around slyly. All I saw was a note card on my desk and Adam walking to his seat.

The note card had some writing on it and I picked it up. It was colorful and animated with decorations all around. On it was information for an 'anti-crackdown party' with details to be given later. Immediately, my day got better.

"Excitement," I directed towards Adam. He had obviously been the one to place the invite on my desk.

"So do you think you'll go?" he asked tentatively. I looked over his face and noticed that he seemed nervous and tense.

"Any excuse to showcase couture," I said. And I sure meant it. Being in Toronto had its ups, but it had its downs as well; like not being able to hit a high status New York party every weekend and not being able to wear beautiful dresses everywhere. I flipped the invitation around in my hands. "So where do I RSVP?" I asked confused. The invitation didn't have any information on it.

Adam took a deep, noticeable breath like he was about to saying something dramatic. "With me."

What? I'm sorry? Did I just hear right? "You're behind this?" I asked him one of the many questions I had right now.

He smiled before answering. "Inspired by your New York party," he clarified.

I was shocked. So Adam did like me. Okay, well, this sure was one hell of a way to show it. But I still had a lingering question in my mind. I sighed a very light sigh and got up. I moved closer to Adam.

I looked at him with a sweet, soft smile that I wasn't sure if it was forced or not. "You didn't…do this…for me…did you?"

Adam bit the inside of his cheek before giving me an answer. "Yeah, kinda," he said so innocently that I couldn't remember why him throwing a party inspired by me scared me anymore. But then I remembered. "And for the party deprived citizens of Degrassi of course," he added in his usual sarcastic tone.

That is what I really liked about him; Adam could be so caring and thoughtful one moment and then the next be a playful joker. He turned to me with an expectant look on his face. But his eyes melted me, the way Adam's eyes were shinning with hope and sincerity. I loved the way he looked at me, like I was a fragile, delicate, priceless princess that deserved the best of everything. And that's exactly how he treated me. I wanted to say something to him, I just didn't know what.

"I don't know what to say," I answered the questioning look on his face honestly. Honesty is the best policy, right?

"Well speechless is a good thing, right?" He was such the flirt. Adam really had this charm about him that just kept drawing me in. And how could I possibly say no to the sweetest guy I've ever met. I quickly ran through my options.

Option one: reject him. Flat out say no and tell him I don't like him like that. But that was a lie and I was so tired of lying and being crazy.

Option two: say yes. I wanted to go so I wouldn't be lying, but I wasn't sure if I was actually going to go. I didn't want to build his hopes just to knock them down at a party that he is throwing for me.

Well, I better go with the lesser of two evils. "I'll see you there," I smiled at a now very confident and happy Adam as I got up and moved back to my seat. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him grin and do a silent celebration. He definitely was cute.

But all the while I just kept thinking about what I had just gotten myself into. It was going to be a long day, a long week, and a possibly tearful and tragic or happy and gleeful party.


	9. When Love Takes Over pt1 Adam

"What about Anya for the school play?" I asked Eli as we walked through the halls of Degrassi.

I know; why the hell am I talking about cast members for the school play? Simple; Clare wrote a play which means (by some crazy, messed up way) that I am the leading man. Definitely not my first choice. Being transgendered and all, I try to NOT draw attention to myself and acting in a school play wasn't going to help me out with that at all.

"No," Eli said, "too cheerful." That was the bazillionth girl I had offered that he had shut down. Just today.

I sighed. He was just so stubborn about getting the perfect actress. "We've auditioned ten girls; not one as good as Marisol," I pointed out. "Offer to resign reinstated." Yes, this was a lame attempt by me to get out of performing in Clare's play.

Eli must have expected me to say this because he immediately said, without hesitation, "And again overruled. We'll find your perfect leading lady."

I had stopped paying attention as we stopped walking and I caught site of Fiona. Hey, even if I was mad at her, I still liked her. Just as Fiona turned around and saw me, I looked away. Eli noticed and turned to see Fiona.

"And there she is," he said as she walked up to us.

"Hey, Adam," Fiona had guilt layered in her voice.

"Adios," Eli smirked and walked away. Dammit Eli! Why couldn't he just help me out here and pretend we were deep in conversation so that I could avoid Fiona and the inevitable awkward conversation with her.

Just got to take it like the man I am. I took a few steps closer to her.

"I'm starting to get the feeling you're ignoring me," she said sadly. Well, no duh I was avoiding and ignoring her! Who wouldn't after they've just been blown off after throwing a party specifically for the ditcher?

"Sorry I couldn't make it to your party, Adam; I had to wash my hair," I said sarcastically. All I wanted was a reason. Not an excuse, but an explanation. It could be as simple as 'I don't like you' but no; she gave me nothing, just a no-show.

"I wanted to come," she sincerely assured me. But I'm not stupid.

"Something better came up; it's okay, I get it," I tried to keep the sadness and/or venom out of my voice; keeping it as neutral as I possibly could. I know when a girl blows a guy off, then feels bad so she pretends like she actually did want to go but something came up. I pushed past her and began to walk away before I said something I'd regret.

"My great aunt died," Fiona blurted out. I stopped. What? "I barely knew her, but my mom was beyond upset," she explained. I didn't believe her for one second, but I honestly just wanted to stop being mad at her.

"I…don't know what to say." The words stumbled out of my mouth.

"Say you'll let me make it up to you?" she asked with hope bursting in her voice.

And then a thought popped into my head. "Well, you probably won't be interested, but we need a new leading lady for the play; you'd be perfect," I told her somewhat flirtatiously.

Ah, yes; it all comes back to the play.

"Is there singing involved?" she asked. But she asked it in a weird, worried kind of way. I'm not really sure what she means, but whatever, got to move on.

"No," I started confused, "but there's a kiss…" her smile faded. "…with me," I finished. I was surprised to see her visibly brighten.

"Okay," she responded without missing a beat. I'm sorry, did she just say yes? "But I get final wardrobe approval?" Fiona made an attempt to mask the fact that she had just agreed to kiss me. She smiled and walked past me.

I looked on at her. I can't believe that she said yes. And that this means she agreed to kiss me. Ha ha, yes! It must be my charm.

We were all in the theatre for Fiona's audition.

"Let's get this straight: I don't cook and I don't clean, you will not find me holding a broom, or scrubbing on my hands and knees," Fiona began to recite the lines from Clare's play.

I stood beside Eli and Clare as they watched over her with a critical eye whilst I just watched her. Her voice faded as Eli turned to see a smile I didn't know I had on my face.

"You liiike her," he said in a childish tone. That was Eli, the dark, gothic ten year-old.

"Stop it," I playfully retorted. He could tease me all he wanted; nothing would bring my mood down today. I saw him slightly nod out of the corner of my eye, but I knew he wasn't done yet.

"You loooove her," he added in a voice Eli should never use again.

To his child-like behavior I simply responded, "Do not." Eli and Clare laughed a little.

"She likes you; why else would she agree to do our play?" Eli asked out loud the same question I had been asking myself all day. I gave him the only answer I could come up with.

"Well, maybe she doesn't know about me. Fiona keeps to herself, doesn't pay attention to gossip. If I could get her to know the real me first, then maybe the whole transgendered thing wouldn't matter down the line," I said more as a promise to myself to make what I said happen.

"That's a pretty big if," Eli was looking onstage at Fiona who had just finished her monologue. I had to agree with him there. It was if with a capital 'I' and 'F'.

"So, do I have the part?" Fiona asked walking up to us. I felt a goofy grin slid onto my face as I just looked at her. When I noticed no one was saying anything I turned to and expecting Eli and Clare. I did some weird gesture thing just to make someone talk.

"Our leading man approves," Eli finally spoke up. "But you'll have to work hard to catch up." He shoved me forward. I looked back at him telling myself I'd get him back sometime, but secretly thanking him.

"Um, yeah. I can help," I walked closer to Fiona, my new leading lady (god, it felt good to say that). "Are you free tonight?"

Then that guilty look spread across her face again. Oh no, she's going to blow me off again. "Well, I'd have to cancel my Raki," she said, "but Yoshi will deal. My condo at seven?" I felt the goofy grin slid back onto my face…again.

"It's a date," I said feeling a rush of relief before I realized what I had just said. "Well…not a – not a date…"

She laughed at my awkwardness. "I'll see you at seven, Adam," Fiona said before leaving. I turned to Eli and Clare who gave me more childlike behavior. Will they ever grow up?

I can't believe I'm here, at Fiona's condo! I mean, I thought this would never happen for a guy like me! Okay, I need to calm down. I just can't make a fool of myself; not here.

"Woah, this place is amazing," I said trying to start some sort of conversation. Her condo was huge! Like, bigger than my house huge!

"Thanks," Fiona said walking into the kitchen type area place. I stood by a table filled with snow globes and picked one up. "You don't mind if I have a little champagne to get into character?" she asked waving a bottle in the air.

"Uh, no, of course not; go ahead," I told her placing the snow globe back down. I wasn't really sure why she needed champagne to get into character, but I wasn't about to ask her.

"Some people can be so weird about it," Fiona said as she popped the cap and poured herself a drink.

Thankful she didn't offer me anything (as I would've felt a bit uncomfortable), I responded, "Uh, not me." I turned away from her trying to seem calm and collected although I was screaming inside. I mean, who wouldn't freak out at the chance to be in the condo of the girl of your dreams, alone with her?

Fiona walked over to me and sipped her drink. Her heels clanked against the ground as she got closer and closer. "So, where do we begin?" Fiona made her way over to me obviously wanting to turn the subject back to the play.

Okay, play it smooth, Adam; I don't want to come off desperate or pushy. "Ummm, the first time the inventor brings the woman to life?" I offered hesitantly. _Otherwise known as the kissing scene_, I thought to myself.

"You mean…where he kisses her?" Fiona clarified. Oh crap! Ulterior motive caught! What now? Um…yikes! I'm not good at this.

"Or we could start somewhere else," I kept the disappointment and rejection out of my voice as well as I could. I was not about to let her know how confused I was that she totally agreed to kiss me but was now possibly second guessing herself. Oh my god! Maybe she found out about me and now doesn't want to kiss the school freak. Just my luck! Well, we still need to rehearse. "There's that scene at the park," I offered.

She shook her head. "It's probably just better to get the kiss out of the way," Fiona decided.

"Okay," I said now trying to hide my extreme happiness. Fiona raised the glass to her lips and I continued. "If that's what you think," I didn't want to be pushy or anything so might as well give her some way out now.

"So, I'm flicking the switch," I leaned away and pretended to be flicking a switch. I still can't believe I got roped into acting in the school play by Clare and Eli. "Nothing happens. So I approach," I recited from the stage directions. I stepped closer and closer to her. My heart was pumping as she looked at me expectantly. Suddenly I stopped. I knew this shouldn't be happening because I could be about to scar her for life if she didn't know about me.

I pulled away. "Look, before we do this, there's something you should know," I blurted out reluctantly. We sat down and I took a deep breath before I told her. Well, here goes nothing! "I'm transgender," I said. She didn't really seemed surprised but I just thought she was still in shock of what I said. I was just about ready to get up and leave because I knew she'd kick me out anyway when she spoke.

"Okay," Fiona smiled.

"Okay? You knew?" I questioned. Who told her? Why was she so cool about it?

"I'm from New York. My mom's stylist Willma used to be a William," Fiona explained. Well, that did make total sense, I mean, New York was New York. I left out a breath I didn't know I was holding and smiled. To my surprise, she smiled back. "You thought I'd freak out?" she asked with her voice layered in concern.

Um…YES! I was expecting her to act like Bianca or any other ignorant girl at Desgrassi and call me a freak then tell me to get out and never go near her again.

"It's a pre-established pattern," I began, "girls aren't exactly lining up to kiss me."

"Well, I'd rather kiss you than any other guy at school," Fiona said not meeting my eyes as she took another sip.

"Wait, what?" I thought out loud before the champagne that was once in her glass spilled onto my pants.

"Oops," Fiona said after pouring her drink on me. "My brother keeps a spare change of clothes, I'll go get them," she said getting up and walking away.

Well, hey, it's only my Degrassi uniform. I just have to explain to my overprotective, dating-hating mother why I have alcohol all over my clothes. Well, I was totally looking forward to that talk…NOT!

"Adam," Fiona called from the other room, "what's taking so long?"

Okay, so ties weren't my thing, but then again, this whole outfit wasn't my thing. I mean, what type of teenage boy has a suit as backup clothes? Honestly! Oh, right, the rich kind.

So here I am, staring at myself in the mirror confused by the dreaded neck tie. "Let me do it," Fiona told me assertively as she walked up behind me and noticed my struggle. I turned away from the mirror to face her. She grabbed my tie and began to finish tying it. I couldn't keep my eyes off her. I couldn't believe what was happening right now; I was with Fiona (who had told me she was willing to kiss me) in her condo alone.

"Molto Bello," Fiona spoke in French as she finished. There was a smile on my face that I knew might be about to disappear with my question.

"Truth or dare?" I looked at her. Hey! It was better to go about it this way instead of just out right asking; although I didn't really know what to do if she said dare.

She gave me a worried expression before answering with 'truth.' Time for the follow up question that was about to ruin the mood.

"Why did you skip my party?" I asked her, looking into her eyes. She immediately looked away and took hold of the glass.

"I told you; my great aunt-"

"Is probably alive and well," I interrupted. I know interrupting is rude, but I knew it was a lie and I just figured since I shared something with her that she could share something with me.

Once I said this I knew she realized that I had caught her lie. I wasn't trying to 'catch' her lying but I just wanted to know the truth. She finished what was in her glass before answering me.

"You look at me like I'm this perfect princess," Fiona honestly stated, "but I'm not. And once you realize that, you'll get sick of me; everyone does." Fiona's eyes dropped from mine and her voice seemed vulnerable.

"That's never gonna happen," I spoke without missing a beat. She needed to know that I'm not 'everyone.'

"Come on, let's get another drink," Fiona began to walk away and change the subject, but I wasn't done. Time to be bold, Adam. I held her wrist gently and pulled her back to me.

"Your turn; dare."

Then she leaned in and our lips met. My eyes were shut and I knew hers were too. I couldn't actually believe that I, Adam Torres, was kissing Fiona Coyne. It was like a dream come true.

We parted and our eyes met. Yep, that did just happen.

The next day I was on a high. I mean, last night I had just had a kiss with the girl of my dreams who accepted me for being me.

We were in rehearsal when I spotted Fiona. "Hey," I greeted her and walked over. "Did you get the flowers? White's your favorite right?" I had sent her white roses earlier in the day. I figured we shared a kiss not for the play so maybe it was appropriate.

She sighed a heavy sigh and I knew something was wrong. "About last night," Fiona said and my smile faded as well as my happy day, "we were…" She waited for me to finish her sentence. I wanted to say so much but I knew that's not what she wanted to hear.

"Just…just having fun," I sadly confirmed for her. While her smile grew, mine vanished completely.

"We got caught up in the moment; it's best to pretend it never happened," Fiona flat out told me.

"Pretend what never happened?" I tried to feign understanding as I plastered on a fake, playful smile.

"I knew you'd understand," Fiona said. No, I really don't.

Eli called for places. "Guess that's my cue," and with that, Fiona walked away from me. And so she left me standing there…again. I knew it was too good to be true but part of me hoped I was wrong. Last night, she seemed totally into me, but she is either a really good actress or a really good heartbreaker.

With a little boost from Eli, I was feeling much more confident about things. But still not confident enough to act with her and kiss her onstage when all I could think about was the rejection she gave me. So, I was going to drop out of the play, but I still had Fiona's brother's clothes and I needed to return them and that's why I was now standing outside her condo with the suit on a hanger fresh from the dry cleaners.

The door opened to reveal a beautiful looking Fiona holding a glass of champagne. What's with the champagne? Oh, well; not my problem anymore because I wouldn't need to be there while she 'gets into character' anymore.

"Your brother's clothes," I felt the need to explain why I was at her place all of the sudden. "I had them cleaned."

"You couldn't wait til rehearsal to see me?" Fiona asked flirtatiously. More confusion for me.

"Actually," I said to her, "I dropping out of the play."

"But you begged me to sign up," Fiona argued confused. Welcome to where I live; the state of confusion.

Well, she deserves some explanation – no, the truthful explanation. "Cuz I thought I had a chance with you. Now that I know it was all in my head, it kinda blows," I gave her my reasoning. Actually, it really blows, especially after our kiss which I thought was pretty heated. She had to admit; we had chemistry.

"What if it wasn't?" Fiona asked after a long silence. What the hell? Did she not just tell me to forget anything happened? And now she's telling me that I do have a shot with her? Now I'm more confused than before. I can't freak out like this; I just have to play it cool.

"Then you'd invite me in; we'd talk," I answered. I mentally gave myself a fist bump (high fives are overrated) for the smooth answer.

"Well I did order enough dinner for two," Fiona said with a smile finding its way onto her face. Then she asked if I like some French food or something, but I didn't really pay attention; I just answered on my charming instinct.

"I do now," I told her before stepping into her condo with a dorky smile splattered on my face.

"You've got to try this cheese; I had it shipped from New York," Fiona told me excitedly as we walked into the kitchen type area place.

"Great; I love cheese," I wasn't sure how to answer. I saw her pouring herself another glass because she must have finished it while we walked from the door to the kitchen. "Whoa, someone's thirsty," I commented trying to subliminally slow her down a bit.

She shrugged. "Helps me relax," she told me nonchalantly. "You don't have a problem with me drinking do you?" she asked me in a dangerous tone. I felt like if I gave the wrong answer she might just kill me. So I did what every guy does; I lied.

"No, of course not."

"In France," Fiona said moving closer, "everyone has an aperitif before dinner. It's like, the law." Her hand rested on my shoulder and I was suddenly aware of just how closer we were.

"Well, maybe you should have two," I suggested thinking back to what Eli had told me; in wine there's truth.

We locked eyes and a silent communication was sent between us before we leaned in and our lips touched again. Our lips moved together in constant motion and I felt like I was on cloud nine.

Yeah, I could get used to this.


	10. When Love Takes Over pt1 Fiona

I could never hate myself. Right now, I just wasn't very fond of myself.

It had been a few days, but I still felt extremely guilty for skipping Adam's party. Especially because he was currently pretending like I didn't exist. But I had my reasons. I just wish I had talked to him about it first.

The worst part of it, this week was 'Sweetheart Week.' Yeah, can anyone say irony? More ironic was that here I was putting up a heart shaped poster right after breaking a heart.

And that's when I saw him.

Adam was walking with a junior and they seemed to be in discussion. They stopped and Adam must have spotted me because he averted his gaze.

It was now or never for me to make everything right. I mean, I liked Adam; he was so beyond perfect.

"Hey Adam," I said walking over to the two boys. I found it difficult to make any eye contact so I just looked away.

The junior turned to Adam. "Adios," he remarked before leaving Adam and me alone.

"I'm starting to get the feeling you're ignoring me," I told him. Hey, I was Fiona Coyne; I was straightforward (well, most of the time at least). But still, there was something about my voice that seemed foreign to even me.

He took a few steps closer. "Sorry I missed your party, Adam; had to wash my hair," he sarcastically said.

"I wanted to come," I did my best to reassure him. But he wasn't stupid and I knew that. Adam was a guy who could easily have his pride crushed by rejection. I didn't want him to feel rejected because that wasn't what this was. I was telling the truth; I did want to go, but I just _couldn't_.

"Something better came up; it's okay, I get it," his voice had hints of sadness and anger in it. He began to make his way past me. But I couldn't let him go. No; I needed him.

"My great aunt died," I found myself telling in bluntly. It was a flat out lie, but it had caused him to stop and turn around to face me. So, I continued on with my lie. "I barely knew her, but my mom was beyond upset." Liar.

But Adam didn't seem to catch my lie because he responded with sincerity and regret for being so angry with me before. "I…don't know what to say," he admitted. That's what I liked; Adam was real.

"Say you'll let me make it up to you," my mood instantly cheered up when I saw Adam soften towards me a bit. I wasn't really sure how to make it up to him, but I had to find a way. Adam liked me for me and that's all I wanted.

Suddenly, Adam grinned. "Well, you probably won't be interested," he started, "but we need a new leading lady for the play; you'd be perfect."

"Is there singing involved?" I asked him. He looked slightly confused. I thought back to the last time I was involved with the school play. It was a musical and I couldn't sing. Needless to say, it didn't turn out well.

"No," Adam answered. "But there's a kiss…" Of course. Always is. "With me…" Adam trailed off. A smile found its way onto my face.

"Okay," I cheerfully told him. Kissing Adam was far from the worst thing in the world; actually, I wouldn't mind it at all. "But I get final approval on wardrobe?"

I brushed past him as I left. Walking down the hall, I could feel Adam's eyes watching me, but I didn't look back. I didn't want him to see the huge victory smile on my face right now; it would be embarrassing.

I seriously can't believe I'm doing this. Last time I was on a Degrassi stage, things didn't turn out very well. But this was different; this was for Adam.

I started to recite the lines I was given word for word as I walked around stage. Adam stood in the audience chairs with the junior from earlier and Clare Edwards (aka Madame Degrassi who wrote fan fiction about Declan last year).

While 'auditioning,' I noticed Adam talking to the two kids in the Degrassi Drama tees. They had smiles on their faces and were talking quietly. Their conversation ceased just as my monologue ended.

"So," I walked off stage and over to Adam and his friends, "do I have the part?" I asked this half heartedly because I figured I already had the part even before I got here.

Adam had a silly grin on his face as he nodded. "Our leading man approves," the dark haired junior said. "But you'll have to work hard to catch up." He gave Adam a shove in my direction.

"Um, yeah I can help," Adam nervously confirmed. "Are you free tonight?" His voice was so hopeful.

But I had therapy tonight with Dr. Sandler. But I didn't want to bail on Adam again. But I didn't want to tell him I had therapy sessions. Well, looks like I've got to do a bit more lying.

"Well, I'd have to cancel my Raki," I said still trying to figure out how to handle the situation. "But Yoshi will deal," I said happy that not only do I have an excuse for not having therapy today, but that that excuse was Adam. "My condo at seven?"

Adam gave me another one of his cute, silly grins. "It's a date," he said. A date? "Well…not a- not a date..."

"I'll see you at seven, Adam," I said giggling. He really was adorable. He always seemed a bit nervous around me and I kind of like that kind of attention.

Leaving, I thought about what he had said. A date? Was that what this was? I mean, we'd be rehearsing, but I'm sure we'd end up just talking and hanging out or something. I don't know; I'll have to think about that.

I welcomed Adam into my condo. Immediately, I went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Adam walked over to the sofa.

"Woah," he said in amazement, "this place is amazing."

"Thanks," I responded. As I pulled a bottle of champagne out of the fridge I saw Adam put down a snow globe. "You don't mind if I have a little champagne to get into character?" I tested him. Okay, I know; I'm testing him. But I want to see if he can let me just be me. And me likes champagne.

"Uh, no, of course not; go ahead," Adam told me and he checked out the rest of my place. It was no New York penthouse, but it was something.

"Some people can be so weird about it," I said pouring myself a glass. I just wanted to make sure he really was okay with me having a glass or two.

"Uh, not me," Adam passed my test. He turned to me and I walked over to him and took a sip of my drink.

"So, where do we begin?" I asked him turning attention back to the play.

Adam looked nervous again. "Ummm, the first time the inventor brings the woman to life?" he phrased it more as a question than a statement. Then it hit me.

"You mean…where he kisses her?" I questioned. He panicked. It wasn't that I minded kissing him; it was just that I didn't expect him to be so upfront about it.

"Or we could start somewhere else. There's that scene at the park," Adam assured me with a hint of disappointment in his voice. That was another thing I liked about him; Adam never pushed me. He was always so careful and gentle with me, always.

"It's probably just better to get the kiss out of the way," I told him. I didn't want it to seem like I was just saying this to make him feel better and less awkward, but I also didn't want it so seem like I was caught off guard by his directness.

"Okay," Adam said as I took another sip of champagne, "if that's what you think." He was back peddling, or giving me a way out. Either way, it was so sweet of him to make sure I was okay with this decision. "So, I'm flicking the switch," Adam recited from the stage directions. He leaned over and acted it out half heartedly. "Nothing happens, so I approach," Adam said taking a step closer.

I looked at him expectantly, but he pulled away. "Look, before we do this," Adam reluctantly said to me, "there's something you need to know." He sat down and I knew this was serious.

Normally, Adam is a laid back, fun loving guy who likes to make people laugh. So when he gets serious, it must be serious. I kept my eyes on an extremely nervous Adam. He seemed a bit apprehensive. "I'm transgendered," Adam blurted out. Well, there's no way to put that gently so blurting is probably best.

"Okay," I said smiling, happy he finally told me.

"Okay? You knew?" Adam asked me confused. I just smiled back at him.

"I'm from New York," I told him. "My mom's stylist Willma used to be a William." His face relaxed and his so did his body. He let out a light sigh. "You thought I'd freak out?" I asked him.

Of course he did! It was a stupid question. I mean, I am Fiona Coyne, so his apprehension was understandable.

"It's a pre-established pattern," Adam said almost sadly. "Girls aren't exactly lining up to kiss me."

"Well, I'd rather kiss up than any other guy at school," I found myself saying. I don't know what came over me, why I told him that, but at least it was true; if I had to pick, he'd be the only guy at Degrassi I'd be even half willing to kiss.

"Wait, what?" Adam asked with happiness and confusion. I needed to get away from this awkward turn of subject. So, I did what I do best: use champagne. I spilled my glass on his lap and he jumped.

"Oops!" I pretended like it was an accident. "My brother keeps a spare change of clothes, I'll go get them," I said as I hurriedly rushed out of the room and the uncomfortable tension leaving Adam drenched in alcohol on my couch.

It was going to be a long night.

"Adam, what's taking so long?" I called from across the condo. Adam was standing at the mirror changing into Declan's old clothes. I peered around the corner and saw him struggling with his tie. "Let me do it," I told him.

He turned away from the mirror as I walked closer. I pulled his tie and finished it for him. His eyes kept their gaze on me. I felt like the most important thing in the world to him.

"Molto Bello." Looking at him, I could feel the smile on my face. His eyes were so deep and vibrant; those of boy who has been through so much in his life. This moment, of us just staring into each others' eyes, smiling, could've lasted forever.

"Truth or dare?" Adam asked suddenly.

Hesitantly, I answered, "Truth." I had no idea what he was going to ask. Hundreds of thoughts swarmed my head; some of them excited me, others scared me.

"Why did you skip my party?" he asked. No, anything but that.

"I told you; my great aunt-"

"Is probably alive and well," Adam interrupted. He had caught me. They say the truth will set you free; it's time to put that theory to the test.

I sighed before finished my glass of champagne. Adam still looked at me intently with eyes asking for honesty. "You look at me like I'm this perfect princess," I sadly said not meeting his eyes, "but I'm not." I am so far from perfect, he'd never understand. "And once you realize that, you'll get sick of me; everybody does."

"That's never gonna happen," he assured me with sincerity and care layered in his voice.

After a silent second I spoke. "Come on, let's get another drink," I reached for his hand to pull him away from this conversation physically. But he gently tugged me back.

His grip on my wrist immediately reminded me of Booby. But he was so gentle that Bobby was washed out of my mind when I looked into Adam's eyes. They locked with mine.

"Your turn; dare," he spoke softly but surely. At that moment, I knew we both wanted to do this.

I leaned in and captured his lips. Our lips moved in synchronized motion together for a few long seconds. The warmth of his mouth felt…right. We parted and looked into each others' eyes once more. Yep, that just happened; we just kissed.

Rehearsal. I really didn't want to be here today. I didn't want to face Adam. I had been avoiding him for as long as possible to procrastinate the discussion I knew would crush him.

"Hey," I heard Adam's voice say from behind me. I spun around. "Did you get the flowers? White's your favorite right?"

Adam had a huge, genuine smile plastered onto his face. He looked so adorable, but I didn't smile back. I sighed. I am Fiona Coyne; I am direct; I can do this. "About last night," I said as his smile faltered, "we were…" I trailed off. I needed to make sure he understood me clearly.

"Just…just having fun," he sadly finished for me. I grinned at his understanding.

"We got caught up in the moment," I explained. "It's best to pretend it never happened." It was not a question, nor a suggestion. It was a…a gentle command.

Adam gave me the fakest smile in the world. I knew he wouldn't be too happy about this, but it was for the best. "Pretend what never happened?" he played along.

"I knew you'd understand," I smiled sadly at him.

Eli called for me to get onstage. "Guess that's my cue," I said to Adam before walking away. I felt bad. But things had to end before they begin for personal reasons he wouldn't understand. I just wish I had stopped it before I let it get out of hand like this.

I had just ordered my dinner and poured myself a glass of champagne when I heard a knock at the door. I opened it to reveal Adam holding Declan's clothes that I lent him from the other night. I gave him a slightly puzzled look.

"Your brother's clothes," Adam told me. "I had them dry cleaned."

I gave him a mixed look of confusion and flirt. "You couldn't wait til rehearsal to see me?" I asked him.

His face fell even more than it already had. "Actually, I'm dropping out of the play."

"But you begged me to sign up," I argued confused. First, the boy asks me to sign up. Then he quits, leaving me. What the hell? Am I missing something?

"Cuz I thought I had a chance with you. Now that I know it was all in my head, it kinda blows," Adam openly told me. Now I felt even worse for what I did today. It needed to happen, but for some reason I didn't want to let him go.

"What if it wasn't?" I asked him after a long silence. I know I am being the queen of mixed signals right now – telling him to forget about our heated kiss and now telling him he's got a shot with me – but I had my odd, screwed up reasons.

Adam kept a gentle, clam look. "Then you'd invite me in; we'd talk," he said. I smiled at his charm. There was just no resisting that Adam Torres charm.

"Well, I did order enough dinner for two," his face lit up as I invited him in. He brushed past me and into the condo. I shut the door behind him and chugged the rest of my glass. He was breaking down all my walls, and I was freaked.

Adam followed me as I directed him towards the kitchen. "You've got to try this cheese, I had it shipped from New York," I told him upon reaching the counter. I grabbed my bottle and began to pour another glass.

"Great," he awkwardly answered. "I love cheese." I could feel him watching me as I sipped from my newly filled glass. "Whoa, someone's thirsty," Adam said.

I shrugged. "Helps me relax," I lied to him. Well, it wasn't a total lie; it helps me relax…because I'm so wound up about letting someone get close. "You don't have a problem with me drinking do you?" I challenged.

"No, of course not," Adam quickly answered with false assurance. I walked around the counter.

"In France," I said slowly getting closer to him, "everyone has an aperitif before dinner. It's like, the law." I found myself resting my hand on the base of his neck where it meets his shoulder.

A brave but gentle look came across Adam's face. "Well, maybe you should have two," he insisted.

Our eyes locked again. We hadn't locked eyes like this since our first kiss. A powerful energy transferred through us and we both brought our lips closer.

With his hands on my waist and one of mine on his shoulder, I felt loved and appreciated. But one thought kept racing through my mind: how did the champagne glass fit into all of this?


	11. When Love Takes Over pt2 Adam

I ran through the hallways on my way to rehearsal. I was late and Clare and Eli were probably not too happy about it. On my way there I couldn't help but think about last night; it was weird.

Don't get me wrong; I loved the kissing part of it, but everything changed once Holly J showed up. Yes it was awkward. When is it not awkward when someone walks in on you and your…girlfriend?...making out? But there was more. What Holy J said, about switching out Fiona's drinks, made me think that drinking is no rarity for Fiona.

But I might just be overanalyzing things. So I pushed last night's doubts out of my mind as I walked into rehearsal.

"And we have Adam" Clare announced sarcastically. Wow, Eli is rubbing off on her.

"Sorry I'm late," I said huffing.

"Any chance you brought your leading lady?" Eli asked me with a hint of annoyance. So, Fiona wasn't here yet.

"Uh," I said, "Fiona probably slept in; we were up late." I raised my eyebrows in Eli's direction.

"Rehearsing?" Eli asked playfully.

I played along. "If that's what the kids are calling it." I smirked as did Eli and Clare.

"Officially, I don't support this diva-like behavior," Eli said in mock seriousness. "Unofficially," he added, "up here." He brought his hand up high in the air and I clasped it.

"You were right dude," I said bringing our hands down, "Fiona's totally into me." I thought back to last night's make out session and how heated it was.

Eli smiled. "No champagne required." I faltered. Eli looked disappointed. "She's drinking again?" he asked judgmentally.

"She likes champagne and me," I almost yelled, "separately." Eli needed to learn to back off. I took a breath as Clare gave me a concerned look. "If you'd spend time with us, you'd see that."

"Well," Clare spoke up, "then let's spend time with you. I'm dragging Eli to the lovers' lunch in the caf today." Eli rolled his eyes. "You and Fiona should come with."

I hesitated. "T-today?" I asked.

"Unless you have other plans," Eli said backing me into a corner with no way out. I wasn't even sure what Fiona and I were yet. Sure, we were kissing, but I didn't really know if it was exactly the right time to ask her to a lunch. Plus, I didn't know if she'd be sober (she did drink a lot last night).

"No," I said feigning confidence, "that should be fine."

"Great," Eli turned to Clare then back at me. "We'll see you at noon." He smiled. Then I smiled and any tension melted away like butter.

Now all I have to do is make sure Fiona came to the Lovers' Lunch today…sober.

We sat at the table silently. I checked my watch.

"12:10," I said sadly, "guess she's not coming." Eli, Clare, and I had been waiting for Fiona to meet up with us. I can't say I was all that surprised she didn't show. Eli and Clare shared a look and awkwardly fidgeted in their seats. A Lovers' Lunch with a third wheel will do that to you.

"Hellooo," Fiona cooed walking up to our table. She sat down.

"You made it," I said both surprised and happy.

"How could I resist spending time with you, and Eli, and Clare," Fiona said all bubbly. She was acting a bit weird and unlike herself. But I just shrugged it off.

"You have pretty eyes," Fiona's demeanor changed as she focused on Clare's eyes.

Clare gave her a puzzled look. "Um," she said, "thanks." It was random but true so I didn't think much of it.

"The color of that shirt does nothing for them," Fiona added rudely.

"Dude," Eli said just above a whisper and catching my attention, "you need to get her out of here; she's wasted." His face was completely serious and it kind of scared me.

Fiona then leaned over the table. "It's not very nice to whisper," she said smiling and with a slight giggle. "Is it?" She turned to me. I swallowed hard. Eli was right; I needed to get here out of here now.

"Come on," I reluctantly said, "let's go for a walk."

"But I just got here," Fiona sounded like a child now. "Besides, Clare and I are really hitting it off." Fiona tucked her hand in Clare's and Clare gave her a plastic smile that only reinforced my need to get her out of here.

"No, I want to be alone with you," I lied trying not to make eye contact.

"Oh, I'll take a walk." I got up and grabbed her hand, pulling her up with me. She turned back to Clare. "We should go shopping; call me." I gently guided her out of the caf and down the hall.

"A walk was a good idea," she said leaning on me. She reached around to pull me in.

"Fiona, Fiona stop," I said sounding serious and firm. I pulled her down onto a bench with me.

"I thought you liked me," she teased as she tugged on my id card lace.

"You're drunk," I said pushing her away and looking around to make sure no teachers were nearby. I still liked her and didn't want her to get in trouble.

"Did Holly J talk to you?" she asked. To which I responded, "What?"

"She thinks I drink too much," Fiona said. I looked around again for any teachers. "She doesn't understand me like you do. She doesn't get that drinking makes it easier."

"Makes what easier?" I asked confused.

"Being with you," Fiona said as if it were obvious from the beginning. She lifted her water bottle to her mouth and took a sip.

"You're drinking because of me?" I asked hurt. I knew she knew I was transgendered but I thought she didn't have too much of a problem with it.

"See, you do understand," she said reaching around my neck and leaning in.

I pushed her off again. "No," I said coldly, "I don't."

I got up and walked away. She called me but I just looked back at her then quickly turned away again and continued down the hallway. Emotions were hitting me like crazy: hurt, offense, confusion. I didn't know what to do or think right now.

I sat in the rehearsal room. I heard Eli and Clare walk in.

"We were looking for you," Eli said as he and Clare approached. "Cancelled rehearsal." I silently thanked him for helping me out. I didn't think acting with Fiona was the best idea right now.

I got up and sadly turned to face them. "Sorry," I said for the second time today, "about Fiona."

"Don't be," Clare reassured me. Eli then chimed in. "Women are trouble."

"Even me?" Clare asked him playfully.

"Especially you," he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and they got lost in each other's eyes. I couldn't help but feel jealous. I just wanted something like that so badly.

"I want that," I said pulling the lovebirds out of their trance. "What you two have." I was the most amazing relationship I had ever seen; it was what everybody wanted.

"And get it you will," Eli assured me. "But for right now, let's blow this joint." We all smiled and I was suddenly so grateful for such awesome friends. They really knew just what I needed. We turned to leave when something – or should I say someone – stopped us.

"Did I miss rehearsal? I thought it started at four," Fiona said quieter than usual as she walked into the room. Both Eli and Clare turned back at me.

"Can you guys give us a minute?" I asked them. She seemed sober now and I thought there was no time like the present to get this over with. Rip the band-aid off, right?

"We'll be out there if you need us," Eli said before he and Clare walked away.

Fiona and I approached each other and I kept my head down and my eyes averted.

"Guess Clare and I won't be shopping anytime soon," Fiona made a feeble attempt in lightening the depressing mood.

"I don't think," I started, "we should hang out anymore." The words reluctantly spilled out, but it needed to happen. If I was making her drink, then might as well cut off the reason.

"Because of what I said?" she asked. I didn't answer; I didn't trust myself. "I was stressed, confused." But I didn't buy it.

I looked up at the ceiling hoping my voice didn't break when I asked her the question I've been dying to ask her. "Are you drinking because of me?"

She hesitated. "I can stop," she said not answering the question directly. But her non-answer told me what I needed to know. "Just please, don't leave," Fiona begged me.

"Give me one good reason," I said. I could think of a few for why I should go, but I knew there wasn't much that could make me stay.

Fiona looked down at her feet. She looked up and opened her mouth. "I'm falling in love with you."

"You're what?" I couldn't keep my voice steady. It was unbelievable, literally.

"I love you Adam," she held my gaze. "I thought you felt the same way."

"I do," I said. It was true, I was falling in love with her and if she felt the same, why not tell her.

She smiled at me. "Walk me home?" she offered her hand. I took it still in shock of what just happened. We walked hand-in-hand out of the rehearsal room. And I was happy. She had said she loved me while sober and for me, that was pure bliss.

I strutted down the hallway towards Fiona. "Missed up," I said as I reached her. She smiled and we walked across the hall and stopped. She leaned against the wall and I stood facing her. I still couldn't believe that she liked me let alone loved me.

"So I was thinking for our first official date a latte in Paris," Fiona said.

"Paris?" I asked her.

"You're right; too crowed in the spring. What about a macchiato in Rome?" she playfully asked as she gave me a smile.

"Let me come up with something," I offered. "It will be a surprise."

She spotted something behind me and her expression changed. "I gotta go. I'll see you after class," she turned and left.

"Fiona pulls you in," Holly J said coming up behind me. "You want to believe what she says; that she doesn't have a problem."

"_Had_ a problem," I corrected, "she was only drinking 'cuz she was stressed." Holly J lightly sighed.

"I think Fiona's an alcoholic and you're enabling her," she said bluntly.

"No," I got defensive, "No, you're wrong." But I faltered a bit. Holly J did know Fiona better than I did and she did mention a past of drinking. But I will still believe Fiona over Holly J any day.

"She need help, rehab," Holly J said. "Her mom and I are organizing an intervention for tonight and I think you should be there."

"So, you're taking her away?" I asked putting two and two together.

"We've tried everything else," Holly J said as she pushed past me. I turned to see Fiona sitting at her desk. I immediately thought through my options. I could take her to the intervention and let them take her away from me or I could take her away from them.

I made up my mind based on what my heart said. I quickly made my way over to her.

"Let's take off," I said kneeling beside her.

"Where to?" Fiona asked intrigued.

"Far away from here," I said. That reminded me; I needed to figure out where to go.

"Alright, just need to go home first; pack some essentials. This is not the right outfit for an adventure," Fiona told me gesturing to her school uniform. Honestly I didn't care; I just wanted to get her away.

"Okay, whatever, let's just go," I said standing up. She followed and interlaced my hand in hers. That was all I needed to assure me that what I was doing was good.

"Fiona," I cooed entering her condo. "I'm back from the bank machine. You all packed?"

I walked deeper into the condo to find Fiona lying on the couch seemingly asleep. "Fiona," I called out to her concerned. I sat down next to her. "Are you okay?" She stirred.

"I only had a little," she said smiling as she brought up her empty champagne glass."Uh, everything's spinning." She buried her head into the pillow.

"Okay, I'll get you some water," I got up and went to her sink. While pouring her water, I heard her hacking. At that moment, I made my decision. I picked up the phone and dialed Holly J.

Her voicemail answered. After the beep I began talking. "Hey, it's Adam. I wanna help." Fiona needed help and if she had to go away to get it, then so be it. I couldn't be selfish and keep her with me when she was doing this to herself. It was a hard choice, but one that had to be made.

The cab stopped and I got out followed by Fiona. After she had sobered up, I told her I was taking her someplace but it was a surprise and she needed to wear a blindfold. We interlocked our arms and I guided her across the street.

"Why won't you tell me where we're going?" she complained playfully.

"Cuz then it wouldn't be a surprise," I tried – and failed – to return her playful banter.

"Does it involve a plane?" she asked.

"No."

"A train?"

"Fiona…"

"Well what if I'm not appropriately attired?" she asked. I couldn't tell if she was serious or not. I glanced at how beautiful she looked right now.

"You look perfect," I said in all sincerity. And sadness. She really did look perfect. I just wish it was meant for our first date.

We reached the door and I turned the knob. It swung open and I guided her into the room. We stopped and I let go of her arm.

"Okay, you can take the blindfold off," I said sadly. I knew what I was doing was right, but there was still a part of me saying to just take off with her.

Fiona's smile disappeared as she removed her blindfold and saw her parents, Holly J, and her therapist standing in front of her. "What are they doing here?" Fiona directed towards me.

"Honey," her mom said from across the room, "we're worried about your drinking and we want you to consider some inpatient therapy."

"Rehab?" Fiona asked. She must've realized this was an intervention because then she got angry. "Oh this is so not happening." Fiona turned to leave but I backed up and blocked her way. I cared about her too much. "Get out of my way. Get out of my way!" Fiona yelled at me as she tried to push me away.

"Honey, Adam did a good thing," Holly J said from behind Fiona. But Fiona gave me a disturbing look of anger, challenge, and hatred.

"Make him leave," Fiona said turning around. "I never want to see him again." Fiona tilted her head slightly so that I knew she meant me.

My arms dropped as did my heart. "I'll leave," I spoke just above a whisper. Then I left. She had hit me with a low blow, but this is what I wanted all along right? Remove the reason? Well, I got what I wanted I guess. I just hope that one day, once Fiona is all better, she'll forgive me.

"Pie?" Eli offered. "Come on, it'll make you feel better." He, Clare, and I sat at the Dot. I had just left the intervention and was pretty upset right now. I doubt pie would help.

"Fiona says she never wants to see me again," I told Eli and Clare.

"She wasn't thinking straight," Eli said. "She'll change her mind," Clare added.

I got up. I couldn't handle their coupley-ness. Even when they weren't making googley eyes at each other, being with them just remind me more of what I didn't have.

"Where are you going?" Eli called after me.

"To wallow in self pity," I responded reaching for the door. But before I could leave, Holly J walked in.

"Hey, I called your house; you brother said you were here," Holly J said as she walked in.

"How is she?" I asked closing the door behind her.

"She's mad…at all of us," she said sitting down at the counter.

"Yeah but mostly me," I told her.

"Listen, I've been in the dog house with Ms. Coyne before. She'll get over it," Holly J tried to comfort me. But I knew better.

"Maybe," I said filled with doubt.

"Definitely," Holly J said with confidence. "When I went to her condo to pack her bag for rehab, I found this." She pulled a piece of paper out of her bag. "I think it's a page from her journal. She'd kill me for giving this to you, but after all you've done…" she trailed off handing me the paper.

I took it as Holly J walked out. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I have nothing to lose, so I began reading it.

_You've just left, and I can't stop thinking about you. Your face, your voice, your touch. How you listen to me the way no one else does. How it's easier to be with you than not. How when we're together, I never want it to end. It'd be easier if I didn't feel this way because there are a million reasons why we shouldn't work. But even though I know that, I really, really hope that we will._

I couldn't help but smile. This note, these inner feelings…they gave me hope. Hope that she really did like me. Hope that one day she'll forgive me. Hope that we will work out.


	12. When Love Takes Over pt2 Fiona

I stumbled through the hallways. Okay, maybe I was just a bit tipsy.

Earlier today I got a heart note from Adam asking to meet him at the Lovers' Lunch. It wasn't like I didn't want to, it was just…I don't know. Something told me I shouldn't go. And after last night, you can't blame me.

Holly J walking in on us kissing is a little uncomfortable, but it's not like I remember too much. All I know is that now she is trying to poke her nose in my business and interrogating me about Adam.

Add that plus one water bottle filled with champagne plus me and you get one drunken Fiona Coyne making her way to the Lovers' Lunch.

"Hellooo," I cooed as I approached a depressing looking Adam sitting with Eli and Clare.

"You made it," Adam said as I sat down next to him. He perked up and bit and sounded more cheery than he looked.

"How could I resist spending time with you, and Eli, and Clare," I said. I have no idea what's going on right now. I'm surprised I can even understand what everyone is saying.

"You have pretty eyes," I suddenly clamed and got distracted like a dog does with squirrels. Clare looked around awkwardly, but that didn't process in my mind.

"Um, thanks," she responded.

"The color of the shirt does nothing for them," I told her point blank. It must've come off rude or something because then Clare looked a bit hurt or something. I don't know! I'm too drunk to care!

My attention turned to Adam and Eli who were whispering. "It's not very nice to whisper, is it?" I leaned across the table. I turned to Adam and he looked sad or something.

"Come on, let's go for a walk," he said softly, almost as if he didn't want to say it.

"But I just go here," I complained. "Besides Clare and I," I reached across and took Clare's hand, "are really hitting it off." She placed her hand over mine happily…I think.

"No, I want to be alone with you," Adam clarified. I might've been drunk, but I knew what that meant.

"Oh, that type of walk," I said drumming the table as Adam stood up and offered me his hand. I turned back to Clare, "We should go shopping; call me." Then I felt Adam's hand guide me out into the hall.

"A walk was a good idea," I told him as my body leaned against his. I reached across him to pull him into me but he shrugged it off and pulled me onto a bench with him.

"Fiona, Fiona stop," he said a bit harshly.

"I thought you liked me," I playfully teased him as I pulled us closer together by tugging on his ID card lace around his neck. He just pushed me off.

"You're drunk," he told me. Well duh! Tell me something I didn't know!

"Did Holly J talk to you?" I asked remembering our little conversation this morning.

"What?" he asked.

"She thinks I drink too much," I told him. "She doesn't understand me like you do. She doesn't get that drinking makes it easier."

"Makes what easier?" Adam questioned confused.

"Being with you," I said clarifying for him. I lifted my 'water bottle' and took a sip. He just looked a bit hurt.

"You're drinking because of me?"

"See, you do understand," I reached around his neck and leaned in. He pushed me off again but a little harder this time.

"No, I don't," he sounded hurt and pained. Then he got up and started to walk away. I didn't really understand what was happening – I was drunk.

"Adam!" I called to him, but he didn't respond. He looked at me once more before continuing on his way.

I took another sip of champagne and watched him go. I felt guilty but didn't know why. Maybe I should sober up.

I walked towards the rehearsal room. Now that I sobered up, I feel really bad about what happened. I don't know why I said that and I don't know how I can fix it, but I am determined to. And so that would explain why I am on my way to the rehearsal room.

I saw Eli and Clare talking with Adam as I approached. They turned around and began to walk out when I passed through the doorway. They stopped.

"Did I miss rehearsal? I thought it started at four," I said quietly and sadly. Eli and Clare turned to Adam, silently asking what to do.

Adam didn't look at me. "Can you guys give us a minute?" he directed to Eli and Clare.

"We'll be out there if you need us," Eli assured him before he and Clare brushed past me on their way out.

Adam and I began to walk closer to each other. When we were finally standing almost toe to toe, I spoke again.

"Guess Clare and I won't be shopping anytime soon," I joked, but Adam didn't even smirk. Nothing, no jokes. Now I felt even guiltier for making him like this.

"I don't think we should hang out anymore," Adam said. It pained him as much to say it as it pained me to hear it. I realized this was totally my fault.

"Because of what I said?" I asked. When he didn't answer, I knew that my words were the cause. "I was stressed, confused," I tried to assure him. And I wasn't lying; I was stressed and confused, but about what?

"Are you drinking because of me?" his voice broke as he asked. I didn't want to lie, but I couldn't tell him the truth. So, I gave him the best answer I could.

"I can stop," I told him. "Just please, don't leave." I couldn't lose him. Not when he treated me the way he did, not when he meant so much to me, not when he made me so comfortable.

"Give me one good reason," he said firmly. And right then, I knew I had lost. There was no way to make him stay. But I needed him to. Still, saying that wasn't strong enough to keep him around. I could just exaggerate the truth a bit and that might work.

"I'm falling in love with you," I told him and tried to play it off like I was reluctant to tell him.

"You're what?" he said stunned. I guess girls weren't exactly falling for him all the time.

I looked him in the eye and spoke clearly and earnestly. "I love you, Adam." His breath hitched slightly. I wasn't lying…totally. I like him; I was just exaggerating a bit. "I thought you felt the same way."

"I do," Adam answered. He seemed so honest, so truthful that it almost made me feel guilty again. Almost. Maybe spending time would allow me to fall in love with him.

I smiled at him. "Walk me home?" I offered my hand and he took it still on shock of what just happened. As we walked out hand-in-hand, I knew I had him right where I wanted him. But why did I want him here? I don't know, maybe I was falling in love with him.

So far, today had been a good day. No drama, no issues. Just normalcy. Just me and Adam being together. After talking yesterday, we had become almost inseparable (besides for not having classes together).

I was standing down the hall from his math class, waiting for him. I saw him strut down the hall with an extra bounce in his step. I couldn't help but smile.

"Missed you," he said as he came up beside me. I smiled in response happy to have him with me. We walked across the hall still smiling. I spun around and leaned against the wall. Adam stood in front of me looking as adorable as ever.

"So I was thinking for our first official date a latte in Paris," I said. I still can't believe that after everything we've been through, we still have never been on an official date yet.

"Paris?" he asked amused.

"You're right; too crowed in the spring. How about a macchiato in Rome?" I playfully asked. He smiled which only caused me to smile.

"Let me come up with something," he said. "It'll be a surprise."

For a split second, I didn't think anything could bring me down. Here I was with the absolute sweetest guy in the world who respected me and treated me like royalty. But I was wrong. I looked briefly over Adam's shoulder to see Holly J eyeing us disappointedly. I needed to get away.

"I gotta go. I'll see you after class," I backed away and turned to my class.

I took a deep breath and sat in my assigned seat. Everyone around me was chatting but I didn't really have any friends so I wasn't talking to anyone. But I didn't mind; I needed to think.

I definitely liked Adam, a lot. He made me so comfortable. But for some reason, whenever Holly J came around, I felt all funny inside. I couldn't tell if it was a good or bad kind of funny, but it was foreign to me.

"Let's take off," Adam said as he appeared suddenly kneeling next to me.

I turned to face him, happy to see him. "Where to?"

"Far away from here," he told me looking around quickly. Cryptic. Alright, well, if he wants to tell me what that means then he will so I just brushed it off.

"Alright, just need to go home first; pack some essentials. This is not the right outfit for an adventure," I joked with him but he didn't seem to get it. Then again, I was serious; I couldn't be caught dead in this uniform.

"Okay, whatever, let's just go," he said anxiously. He stood up and I followed. Naturally, my hand found his and we intertwined fingers as we left.

Adam dropped me off at my condo and left to get money and change into clothing 'fit to be around a princess.' After he left I changed into something way more fashionable. And then I found myself sipping from a champagne glass. I must've had a little too much because I lied down for a moment and found myself asleep.

I heard the faint sound of the door opening. "Fiona," Adam called out. "I'm back from the bank machine. You all packed?"

Then he probably saw me lying on the couch because he called me this time more worried as he rushed over to my side. "Fiona," he asked with concern layered in his voice. "Are you okay?"

I rolled over and showed him my empty glass. "I only had a little," I informed him without thinking about it. Then my head felt like it had been hit by a truck. "Uh, everything's spinning," I complained.

"Okay, I'll get you some water," he said, but his voice sounded…distracted. He got up to get me a glass of water. I leaned over the couch and held my hair back as I hacked. I could vaguely make out the sound of Adam's voice as he talked on the phone but I couldn't make out what he was saying.

A little while passed and I was now completely sober and trying to push the thought about earlier out of my head. Adam and I were in a cab, but I was blindfolded. He had asked me to wear the blindfold so I couldn't tell where we were going. I obliged because I trusted him fully; I knew his intentions were pure.

The cab stopped and we got out. He helped me out so I wouldn't fall.

"Why won't you tell me where we're going?" I teased as we locked arms.

"Because then it wouldn't be a surprise," he answered but sounded distant.

"Does it involve a plane?"

"No."

"A train?"

"Fiona…" he said slightly annoyed but gentle at the same time.

"Well what if I'm not appropriately attired?" I asked him both playfully and serious. My clothing was always a serious matter no matter how I talked about it.

There was a moment's pause. "You look perfect," he finally said sincerely. I couldn't help but smile as he guided me into a building.

I didn't know where we were but I could hear the sound of Adam opening a door to somewhere. He guided me – still blindfold – through the doorframe.

"Okay, you can take the blindfold off," Adam told me. I smiled as I took off the blindfold in anticipation of what Adam has planned for me.

But that smile vanished once I saw my parents, my therapist, and Holly J all standing around in a plain, windowless room looking at me.

I turned towards Adam. "What are they doing here?"

"Honey," my mom called from across the room, "we're worried about your drinking and we want you to consider some inpatient therapy."

The gears in my head started turning. "Rehab?" I asked unbelievably. That's when I realized that his was an intervention. "Oh this is so not happening," I stated as I made my way to the door. But Adam stepped in my way and blocked the door. "Get out of my way. Get out of my way!" I yelled at him but he didn't move. He just looked at me like this pained him.

"Honey, Adam did a good thing," Holly J said from behind me. She was trying to convince me of what a good thing this is, but it was hurtful to me. And it hurt even more because I trusted him.

I kept my gaze on him, sending him a challenging look; telling him that two could play at this game.

I spun away from him. "Make him leave," I demanded to Holly J. Then I tilted my head so that I could see his reaction to what I was about to say. "I never want to see him again."

The words held venom as I said them. But didn't regret it. Not until I saw Adam's arms drop from the doorpost and the heartbroken expression on his face. "I'll leave," he said meekly. Then he left.

Just. Like. That.

Gone.

And I didn't care. Not right now. I had trusted him and now I felt like a fool for doing so.

"We just want to talk to you," Holly J assured me as she closed the door and took my purse.

"I told you; I'm fine," I said harshly. But I wasn't and I knew it. And as I looked around at all those who cared about me, I realized that someone was missing – Adam. He had done this _for me_. He had done this to make me _better_. And right then I promised myself that I wouldn't stay mad at him because he cared for me too much. I made a pact with myself to get better and to thank him once I've accomplished that.


	13. Chasing Pavements pt1 Adam

Not a bad lecture. That was the thought running through my mind…for now. Class just ended and my history teacher kept us back a few extra seconds to finish talking. It actually wasn't bad at all. And so that was the thought floating in my head: not a bad lecture. That is, until I saw her.

I had been dreading this day for a while. The day when Fiona Coyne would return to Degrassi. Yes, it is true that I still really like her. Yes, it is true that I would be willing to talk with her. And yes, it is true that she never wants to see me again.

I rounded the corner on my way to the next class and we locked eyes for a split second. Holly J then turned around and I looked at her. My step faltered slightly as I took it all in. Fiona was back.

But she didn't want to see me; she said so. And so I just kept on walking. I put one hand in my pocket and ducked my head a bit. I passed the two seniors without another glance. Even though I wasn't looking at her directly, I could see her in my mind. I could hear all the hurtful things she said echoing in my head. I could feel my heart speed up and thump against my chest.

The look in Fiona's eyes was easy to read: regret and remorse. And yet, in my head, all I could see were the challenging glare she had given me at the intervention. It killed me not to be able to view her eyes in the same way.

Although I was out of earshot, I knew they were talking about me. Fiona was probably saying I was deceitful and a liar while Holly J unenthusiastically tried to convince her otherwise. But I knew that wasn't true. Honestly, I didn't know what they could be talking about. Maybe about her drinking.

I hope she's better. It's funny really; all I really care about is that she's gotten better. Not about her hating me (although it came in a close second). Not about our relationship…if you could call it that. We had never even been on a date and yet we've been through a lot. We've gone from standing-up, to apologies, to kissing, to forgetting, to making up, to drinking, to love, to rehab, and now to avoidance.

But don't blame me. Sure, I could march right on up to her and force her to talk to me. The thing is, I would never do that. I don't want to try to force something with her if she doesn't want it. That would only make me a lying jackass. And, surprisingly, that was worse than freak or tranny. Especially because it would be in the opinion of the girl that I think I love.

Sure she was a bitch to me. And sure she hurt me like, five times. But deep down, I still have strong feelings for her. And I think, those strong feelings are love.

As I walked into my next class, these thoughts and emotions swirled around in my head. Needless to say, I can't remember a damn thing from that class!


	14. Chasing Pavements pt1 Fiona

Day one back at Degrassi and I can't even think about school. How is it that I go from one problem to another without any relaxation time? Because I'm Fiona Coyne, that's how.

Which would also explain why I'm sitting here on FaceRange watching a video of Bobby and Tinsley being all coupley and googey. I have one word: EEEEEWWWWW!

"Ugh, what a creep," Holly J said as she walked up behind me. I hadn't heard her come over because I had my headphones in.

"And Tinsley's no better," I added closing my laptop. Holly J and I had both had our share of Tinsley drama and she knew what a slut Tinsley was. "They deserve each other," I concluded. They sure did. One abusive boy + one slutty girl = romance…I guess.

"I was talking about Tinsley," Holly J told me causing me to smile. It was nice to have a shared hatred of someone with my best friend (and hopefully family one day). "Why are you watching that?" she asked.

Good question; why was I watching the disgusting duo? "Testing myself I guess," I shrugged. Holly J sent me a puzzled look. "My mom thinks I'm not strong enough to go to trial," I explained. "She thinks I should take the settlement."

"You're strong. You can do this," she said with confidence. "You got through rehab and all you have to do is tell the truth."

"And," I gained her confidence, "if he's offering a settlement that means he's scared."

"You must've made a great deposition," she said. I caught the underlying message; when I was sober, I was strong. I kept smiling at her realizing there was no way I could possibly lose.

But then I looked up to see him. Adam. He came around the corner and our eyes caught each others for a brief second before he averted his gaze and continued on his way towards class. I sighed. I hated this.

"Have you talked to Adam since rehab?" Holly J asked.

"No," I told her disappointedly. "I want to…I just hope he doesn't think my drinking was because he's…" I trailed off.

"Transgender," Holly J finished for me understandingly. It wasn't that I couldn't say it; I just didn't want to say it out loud and make it possibly true. I nodded.

"Can't be easy being different," I said. This has two meanings: Adam and me. Rehab taught me a lot about me and I think I have a lot of discovering to do about who I am.

We went silent. I thought about how Adam has been these past few weeks. We didn't really end on good terms and I am so worried he may hate me; he has every right to. I was brutal to be with and harsh to him. I did a lot of things that I am so not proud of, but I can't take them back. I just wish he knew that if I could, I would.

Spending 28 days thinking about what I had done had led me to believe that there was no future. No hope of ever being Adam's princess again. The funny thing is, for as much as I want things to go back to the way they were, I don't think that's for the best. I see him differently now. How? I'm not sure. But there was something different about him that I noticed when we locked eyes.

Maybe it was the sad expression in his eyes. Or maybe it was his lonely look. Maybe it was soft features of his face. Or the way his clothes fell on the curves of his body. I don't know, but I know that I miss him. And I want to talk to him. I don't think he'll ever understand how badly I want to talk with him and just have him near me again. I miss her – him, I miss him.

Noticing we were both still silent I started to talk. "So, wanna help me convince my mom attending the trial's a good idea?" I hopefully asked her even though I already knew the answer.

"Of course," she said. We smiled and the bell rang.


	15. Chasing Pavements pt2 Adam

The past couple days have been hard on me. I guess school work played some part in that, but it was mainly because I knew she was back. We haven't spoken since her intervention and that really wasn't one of our finer moments. But I've been doing my best to push her out of my mind and get on with life. It was working.

Kind of.

It doesn't really help that her locker is in this hallway. I obviously know she's there and just knowing she's so close gets my heart pumping. It's not like I can help it; I mean just look at her! She is a princess.

I had to get my mind off her so I leaned against the lockers and began reading my book. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Holly J walk by which, of course, made me think of Fiona still standing at her locker.

"Adam," I heard Fiona call. I looked up in her direction. "Hey," she said with a sad smile. I can't believe she was talking to me.

"Hey," I replied walking towards her. "You're back." Well no duh she's back! God, I'm such an idiot!

She looked at me for a moment. There was something new in her eyes I hadn't seen before. Maybe it was just because I hadn't really seen her in a while.

"Did you get my letter?" Fiona asked. I shook my head. "I was awful to you, but, getting me help to rehab, that was an incredible thing you did." Each word sounded more sincere than the one before. I felt my insides melt as she spoke. And I remembered how hard the decision was.

"Well, you were psychotically mad," I told her. This was my attempt to brighten the mood; I sensed it was what she needed right now. And no matter how mad she is (or was) at me, I always want to make her smile.

"I was," she agreed with a smile. And that, right there, was my goal accomplished. "While I was drunk," she added. She took a moment as she looked into my eyes. "But I missed you," she admitted.

"Well, that's good," I lamely responded. How does she expect me to respond? I've been sitting here for weeks thinking she hated my guts and now she confesses that she missed me? Not to mention that the last time she admitted something (her claimed love for me) she was drunk and played me like a fiddle. So how am I supposed to respond to that? Seriously!

"So I'll…catch you in the caf, I guess," I said and turned to walk away with my mind racing and confused.

"Wait," she stopped me. "Do you wanna come over later? Watch a movie?" she asked with that smile that I just can't say no to.

"Yeah, sure; I like movies," I said as calmly as I could. My insides were screaming and jumping for joy, but there was no way I was going to let my outsides show that. "Well, I'll see you later," I nervously backed away smiling. Looking at her, I saw a smile on her face too. Maybe getting through these hard days will pay off.

"Adam, would you prefer kettle chips or country pretzels…" Mrs. Coyne offered. It was slightly awkward. Fiona and I were sitting on the couch and her mom was offering snacks. Neither of us responded. "Or I could just leave them both," she said placing the food down.

"Thanks mom," Fiona said in her sweetest 'mom pleas leave you're embarrassing me' voice. I just sat there silent. Yes, this was definitely not ideal.

"Enjoy the movie. I'll be back in an hour," Mrs. Coyne caught the hint and left us.

"She's a little hover crafty. Sorry," Fiona apologized once her mom was gone. She was obviously slightly embarrassed and I thought it was quiet cute.

"So, how did I score primo couch seat. Holly J won't be jealous?" I joked. Fiona, however, seemed a bit serious.

She sighed. "She's with her boyfriend," Fiona said rolling her head. "Which is why I need to broaden my friendship horizons," she said leaning over me to get some snacks. All I could think about was how lucky I was that Mrs. Coyne left the snacks on that side of me.

"I know the feeling," I told her. "My two best friends are attached at the hip." I didn't mind it; it just got annoying sometimes. Of course, Eli and Clare will never know that.

"I think I was embarrassing with them; wasn't I?" Fiona asked. I smiled at the lighthearted questioned.

"Well, maybe you were just a little tipsy," I joked back. It's true though; she was tipsy.

Fiona laughed and covered her face. Another adorable little thing that makes me like her more. She took a deep breath. "Don't make fun of me; it was a dark period," she waved it off.

"So, does that mean you didn't really like all the champagne?" I asked slowly. I didn't really want to ruin the mood but I really needed some answers.

"No, I – I did," her tone shifted as she realized that I was being totally serious right now. "Too much. It masked some bad feelings," she told me.

Some of me wanted to believe that was the why. But most of me knew there was more. And all of me still had one very important question that was still buzzing around in my head.

"What'd you feel bad about?" I cautiously asked her.

"My horrible ex-boyfriend, running away to Degrassi," she listed out. "Stressing out my family – "

"Being with me," I added for her.

"What? Adam, no," Fiona said.

"You kissed a female to male trans kid, that's why you freaked out," I said. Rip the band-aid off, right? She was beading around the bush and I just wanted straight answers.

"Being close made me freak out," she pointedly told me. "Because I thought you'd see the real me."

I looked away. Part of me was saying she was lying, but the other part of me was saying she was telling the truth.

"Adam, it had nothing to do with you," she assured me. And that decided for me. "I like you."

"You like me?" I asked playfully to bring the mood up again; it was getting dark and serious and I'm not a big fan of that stuff. We laughed.

"Stop it," Fiona said as we turned our attention back to the movie. "We're missing the movie."

But I couldn't care less. I was here with Fiona and that was all that really mattered to me. I got my answers and that's all I wanted. Just to know that she did like me (she said so – sober this time!), made me feel like I was on top of the moon.

I don't exactly remember how it happened but a few minutes into the movie Fiona and I ended up horizontal on the couch in full make out mode. And I wasn't going to say anything against it.

She broke our kiss. "See, I knew we could pick up where we left off," she said sweetly. "I missed you." Her voice rang with sincerity.

"Yeah?" I asked. "What do you miss? My sense of humor? My good looks and charm?" She giggled which made me smile. I loved her laugh and her smile and…everything about her.

"The way we're so comfortable," she stated like it meant the world to her. She leaned back in and our lips locked again. I was fully enjoying this.

Until I felt her tug my shirt up and put her hand on my stomach. The skin of the body I hate. The stomach that reminded me of what I am.

She broke our kiss again. "You're so soft," she whispered. I ignored the little voice in my mind telling me that there was something wrong with this and continued kissing her. "I like this," she told me.

"I'm gonna get a six pack someday soon," I pulled down my shirt suddenly aware of the meaning behind her words. Damn that little voice!

"Don't," she said. "It's so much better that you're both." Both? Both what? What the hell does that mean?

"Both what?" I asked offended but not quite sure why yet.

"I told you; it doesn't bother me," she said. "I like that you're the best of both worlds, boyish and girlish."

I sat there for a few seconds processing her words. Boyish and girlish. And girlish. Girlish. What?

"No, I'm – I'm not Fiona," I said slightly upset as I moved away from her. Now I was totally offended. "I'm a guy." Her comment struck me as degrading of me as a male.

"I know," she said with confusion written all over her face. She didn't understand that she had just undermined my gender.

"Then why would you say something like that?" I angrily questioned.

"I'm trying to tell you that I like you," she pointed out. If that was true then she sure had a funny way of showing it.

"Me? Or that I'm stuck in a stupid girl's body?" I asked still fuming on the outside and broken on the inside. This wasn't going to end well and I knew it.

"Why can't it be both?" Fiona obviously didn't understand who I was as a transgender or as a person.

"'Cuz you're using me," I said. I'm not stupid. No straight girl would ever say something like that to anyone. Only a lesbian would. I hated to admit it, but Fiona was using me in the perfect scenario: she would appear to be dating a boy but, in her mind, would be dating a girl.

"I'm not. I wanna be with you," Fiona tried to convince me.

I looked into her eyes and shook my head. "No, you don't want me. Face it Fiona, you want a girl," I said angrily and got up. With that, I left her condo.

It pained me to walk away but what we had was no good. She fooled me, she played me, and she used me. It wasn't a healthy relationship for me to be in. Nor was it healthy for her. She needed to see that she was a lesbian and she needed to come to terms with it. For as angry and humiliated as I was, I hoped that she accepted who she was and got on with her life. Who knows? Maybe one day I'll see her at an LGBT meeting at school. Maybe one day I'll find the strength to forgive her…again.


	16. Chasing Pavements pt2 Fiona

"You're luminous," Holly J unknowingly quoted from my dream last night as she came up behind me at my locker. I giggled along with her at what she thought was just a joke and what I thought was an ironic joke.

"I can't believe how happy I am," I told her. "The uniforms look cheery, the school," I breathed in the air for dramatic effect, "smells like learning."

"Someone's letting the sunshine in," Holly J said lightly. Of course I was! Bobby was done and I was sober; I could finally enjoy life without problems and drama.

"So, what should we do? Is there a dance to plan, or a play to stage? Anything; let's do it," I talked excitedly. Her face fell. Not a good sign.

"Well, Sav and I were gonna – "

"Oh," I interrupted. "Sav stuff," I said slightly annoyed and disappointed. She was my best friend – my only friend! – and Sav was slowly taking her away. He was taking away the woman I loved…as a sister of course. Right? Yeah, the woman I loved _as a sister_.

"If I don't hang out with him soon he's gonna go emo on me," she said. "Worse; he might make me a mix cd." I laughed at the comment.

"Shudder. Go hang out with him please," I joked along even thought I was still bummed.

"Well I'll tell you what, sleepover tomorrow night. You and me?" she offered. I was just about to agree when I looked up just past her and saw him.

Adam.

I felt bad about how we left things. I really just wanted to make sure he and I were okay. My face must've given it away because Holly J turned around.

"Still haven't talked to him?" she asked even though she knew the answer.

"I don't know what to expect," I admitted shaking my head. He could be forgiving and understanding. But he could be angry and violent. I knew angry and violent; I wasn't getting into that again.

"You want me to stay? Be a buffer?" Holly J asked. She was too good for me. I mean to me not for me.

"No, go hang out with your boy toy," I reluctantly told her. I needed to do this. No more hiding; not behind alcohol, not behind Holly J.

Holly J gave me a smile before she began to walk away. I watched her leave but kept my eye on Adam who was currently leaning up against the lockers reading.

"Adam," I called. He looked up from his book surprised. "Hey," I said lamely. I wasn't really sure how to start this conversation, but it needed to happen.

"Hey," he replied closing his book and walking towards me. "Uh, you're back," he said obviously unsure what to say.

I locked eyes with him until he stopped right in front of me. Seeing him was unreal. I had thought so much about him at rehab that his actual presence was…weird, I guess.

"Did you get my letter?" I asked him. He just nodded silently. "I was awful to you, but, getting me help to rehab, that was an incredible thing you did," I told him. This guilty feeling has been eating me alive. I hurt him that day; all he was doing was helping me, caring for me, making me stronger.

"Well, you were psychotically mad," he said. I lightly giggled at his playful tone. Rehab was hard; I really missed his playful banter and sarcastic comments.

"I was," I agreed. "While I was drunk," I added. I thought back to before I mixed drinking and Adam, back when we were working the food drive. We had connected on such an emotional level without alcohol. I looked at his baby blue eyes. "But I missed you," I admitted.

"Well, that's good," he responded nervously as if unsure of what to say to my sudden admittance. Hell, I can't blame him! Last time I blurted something like that out it was to lie to him about being in love with him. "So I'll…catch you in the caf, I guess," he said before turning away to leave. But I couldn't let him leave. Not while the tension between us was still this way.

"Wait," I called causing him to stop and face me again. "Do you wanna come over later? Watch a movie?" I asked even thought that wasn't what I was planning on doing. I was hoping to get him off school grounds so that we could pick up right where we left off.

Obviously surprised by my sudden offer, Adam gave a lame response of: "Yeah, sure; I like movies."

I felt a grin spread across my face for two reasons: his awkward cuteness right now, and the thought of having his soft girlish lips on mine once again. I was suddenly looking forward to tonight a whole lot more.

Adam and I sat side by side on the couch in my condo. But we weren't really talking much. This would be because of my mother who was now offering Adam his choice of snacks: kettle chips or country pretzels. He didn't respond and I knew he was trying his best not to be rude.

"Thanks mom," I said in my sweetest 'please leave' voice. Luckily she got the hint.

"Enjoy the movie. I'll be back in an hour," my mom said before leaving Adam and me alone.

I was so embarrassed by her right now. "She's a little hover crafty. Sorry," I felt the need to apologize for her strange behavior which wasn't all that strange given recent events.

There was a quiet pause before Adam broke the silence. "So how did I score primo couch seat? Holly J won't be mad?" he joked. But I didn't want to talk about _her_ right now. Not after my confusion on my recent dreams involving her.

"She's with her boyfriend," I replied rolling my head obviously annoyed with her. I needed to get off the subject of Holly J and back to my plan of starting up where Adam and I ended. "Which is why I need to broaden my friendship horizons," I said casually leaning over him to grab some kettle chips from the plate on the other side of Adam.

"I know the feeling," he agreed as he watched me. "My two best friends are attached at the hip." Right! Eli and Clare! I forgot about that little…incident at the lovers' lunch.

"I think I was embarrassing with them; wasn't I?" I playfully asked.

"Well, maybe you were just a little tipsy," he replied in the same playful manner. I covered my face in humiliation as the memory flooded my head.

"Don't make fun of me; it was a dark period," I tried to dismiss both the situation and the ensuing conversation about my alcohol addiction.

"So does that mean you didn't really like all the champagne?" he asked cautiously. It was just like him to ask the hard questions in a way that made me want to answer him with the truth.

"No, I – I did," I reluctantly admitted. "Too much. It masked some bad feelings."

Part of me hoped that would be it, all Adam wanted to hear. It was a generic reason, but a reason all the same. However, I knew Adam, and Adam would want fully honest answers, not generic ones.

"What'd you feel bad about?" he asked with the same caution in his tone as before. I knew he'd press on. But he did it in this…Adam way. His soft and careful tone almost made me want to pour out my darkest secrets to him.

"My horrible ex-boyfriend, running away to Degrassi," I began to list out for him. I gave him specific examples but kept the details to myself; I wasn't sure I was ready to share them. "Stressing out my family – "

"Being with me," he sadly added to my list. I turned to him shocked at his now depressing tone.

"What? Adam, no," I protested. He didn't belong on that list. At least, I didn't think _he_ did.

"You kissed a female to male trans kid, that's why you freaked out," he assumed. I figured he'd try to clump himself into the 'Reasons for Fiona Drinking' group – it was what I was afraid of! I needed to show him that his transgendered status wasn't necessarily the cause of my drinking.

"Being close made me freak out," I told him. "Because I thought you'd see the real me." It was no lie. My days in rehab taught me that I had these barriers that could withstand just about anybody. And yet Adam was able to knock them down within minutes of talking to me.

He looked away from me and I knew he couldn't decide whether to believe me or not. If I wanted us to continue what we had then I need to assure him that it wasn't his fault.

"Adam, it had nothing to do with you," I told him seriously. "I like you," I said more light-heartedly with a smile. He smiled back.

"You like me?" he asked jokingly.

"Stop it," I looked back to the television screen glad to have my Adam back. "We're missing the movie." Not that I cared. I was just glad to know that he wasn't mad at me and that he was here with me. I couldn't help but smile at the idea.

After a few short minutes of actually watching the movie, Adam and I gradually got closer and closer to each other until we were lying on the couch kissing. I relished in the feel of his soft, girlish lips on mine.

I broke our kiss but kept my lips just inches away from his. He had a goofy grin on his face and I'm sure I was also smiling. "See, I knew we could pick up where we left off," I said, my voice layered with sweetness. "I missed you." And that was truly not a lie.

"Yeah?" he asked playfully. "What do you miss? My sense of humor? My good looks and charm?" he continued jokingly. I giggled at him. He was so adorable sometimes.

"The way we're so comfortable," I sincerely told him. This was by far the best part of being with Adam. When I was with him, I felt like everything was alright; my confusion was gone, my doubts disappeared, and all that mattered was that he was here with me.

I pressed my lips back to his once again. But I wanted more. I wanted to be closer to him. I let go of his neck and tugged on the bottom of his button down shirt which was half tucked in. I pulled it up and placed my hand on his stomach. His skin was so soft, so girlish. It felt perfect.

"You're so soft," I said softly as I broke our kiss again. Our lips locked again and my hand stayed in place. My insides were jumping at the fact that Adam hadn't pushed my hand away yet. I pulled away from him again. "I like this," I told him. Although this was a bit physical and I wasn't looking for anything physical, I felt like it was right.

Adam shifted uncomfortably as he pushed away my hand and pulled down his shirt. "I'm gonna get a six pack someday soon," he said lamely. I was confused by the sudden action and disconnection in his words.

"Don't," I said. "It's so much better that you're both," I told him. I liked being with a guy but feeling like I was being with a girl. I had come to the realization that I was comfortable with Adam because he was the opposite of every other guy out there.

"Both what?" he asked confused as he sat up. I followed suit shocked by his sudden distancing from me.

"I told you; it doesn't bother me," I assured him. "I like that you're the best of both worlds, boyish and girlish." His face went sour at my outpour of emotions though I wasn't quite sure why.

"No, I'm – I'm not, Fiona," he said defensively catching me off guard. "I'm a guy," he pointedly told me as he shuffled away from me.

"I know," I said. Of course he was a guy; I knew that. I didn't understand why he was so offended by my comment. It was a compliment and it meant that I liked being with him.

"Then why would you say something like that?" he angrily asked. Even though he was angry, I didn't feel the least bit threatened because his angry was a soft angry.

"I'm trying to tell you that I like you," I said. Did I have to spell it out for him?

"Me? Or that I'm stuck in a stupid girl's body?" he questioned still angry. His question confused me, but I answered before thinking.

"Why can't it be both?" I asked innocently. He looked offended but I couldn't figure out why. He should be jumping off the walls knowing that I want to be with all of him, body included.

"Cuz you're using me," he said confidently. What? How was I using him?

"I'm not. I wanna be with you," I told him. I didn't expect he heard that much so I thought he'd immediately soften and crawl back to me.

He paused as he looked at me. He was studying me, but I'm not sure why. Then he spoke. "No, you don't want me. Face it Fiona, you want a girl," he told me with sadness and anger ringing in his voice. H got up and left me alone in my condo rendered speechless.

Why would he say something like that? Because it was true. And deep down, I knew that. The dreams about Holly J – they weren't about Adam for a reason. I didn't love Adam. Well, I did, but I loved him for the wrong reasons. Now I realized that what I had said had truly hit him hard – harder than what I said to him the day of the intervention.

Adam was a guy. Maybe not physically, but he was a guy. And I didn't want that. I never wanted that. There's a reason I've never had a successful relationship with a guy before. I didn't want a guy! Adam was right; I wanted a girl. I was a lesbian.

I felt relieved by my realization, but saddened that I had hurt Adam in the process. I looked back at my condo door and thought about him. I had hurt him one time too many. He loved me and I used him. I felt awful, worse than before. I just hoped – prayed – that one day Adam would find the kindness and generosity (that I'm not even sure I deserved) to forgive me…again.


End file.
